I woke up at an unusual time this morning, because I could not breathe normally through the goo in my bronchi. But this made it possible for me to capture the last dream sequence. Today’s hidden theme seems to be religion.
One part, mercifully short, was rather disturbing. It consisted of me walking around alone, screaming: KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! over and over, clenching my fists and contorting my muscles in fury. Â This is, unfortunately, something I recognize from moments of extreme frustration in my past. It is one of those things I really want to see gone from my life before I graduate to the (more) Real World. The dream made it clear that this kind of feeling is something I still can feel. I had almost forgotten that.
The dream really drove home the point that I had not fully repented this horror and the mindset that leads to it. And so, after I got up and took my bronchidilation medicine, I sat down and recalled the cases I could remember of this behavior, shining the white light of Christ on it, that it may be forgiven and transformed, and that in the future I shall not accumulate anger in my heart till it blooms like that, but react to it early. Whenever anger arises, it is a sign that the heart is too proud, having desires and expectations that were not realistic. Â Well, repentance is optional of course. I mean, a non-religious person would not do that. Some might even enjoy it. Â There is a horrible strength in such rage. My Viking ancestors probably made the most of it. Â I have from childhood had some of that temper, unlike my mother and my saintly brother.
In the other dream I aimlessly waited at a bus stop, not knowing when the next bus to Mandal would come. Â (It would not – turns out it was a place which has no direct buses to Mandal.) A young girl – barely teenager – kept chatting to me. I found it weird and pretended to ignore her. She was talking about all kinds of random superficial things, like neurotypicals do when they try to be friendly. Â But I thought it was just weird and did not want to be seen being friendly with a severely underage kid I did not know. People here in Norway will think you are a child molester if you do that, unfortunately. Â It wasn’t like that when I grew up, I think it is one of the things we have imported with American culture. Or perhaps it is Continental, I am not sure.
When I walked away, she shouted after me something like “Jesus won’t like you behaving like that!”, which may well be true. But the impression I got was that she was chatting to random strangers because she thought Jesus wanted people to do that. In my dream, I held the opposite impression, remembering Jesus’ teaching that “a human shall make account for every useless word on Judgment Day”.
Waking up, I am not sure that trying to be friendly is actually useless! Jesus also taught us that friends is something we can actually get with us to the next world and should be bought when possible. I will probably still avoid talking to kids and very young teens alone though…
In my dream, I now wandered lost in the suburbs for a while. I ended up inside a house and told the couple there that I only needed to find the exit. The wife said this happened all too often recently. Â As I was leaving, my cell phone rang (still in the dream). It was an old friend from my time with The Christian Church (the one I linked to yesterday). He wanted urgent answer to some technical question about bonds. At first, being totally unprepared, I was about to reject his question, saying that I did not know what he was talking about. But then, by thinking logically, I saw that the answer was quite clear, so I gave it to him.
Then I woke up because I could not breathe well, so I went downstairs to use my inhalator and to cough up ick. And here I am now.