Slice of Chaotic Life

The daily life of a celibate middle-aged man.

Enviable illnesses

Posted by Itlandm on March 28, 2012

“I’d love to go out and exercise, but for my health I had better stay on the couch and eat snacks.”

I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds hilarious. It also happens to be true for me. How did I end up in Bizarro world? Let us, in true Bizarro style, start at the end.

I stepped on the bath scales today and found the dreaded number 85 staring back at me. Actually 85.8 kg (189 lbs) but that is still too close for comfort. The actual weight depends on how food I have in my digestive tract at the time, of course, as well as  fluctuations in the water balance of the body. There is always a margin of error. But as I have mentioned before (?), 85 kg is around the weight where my heart will start racing at high speed (sometimes even at max pulse) at more or less random times, although most commonly during or after I take walk. Around 86 kg I experience increasingly frequent palpitations, or so it feels. There is some kind of increasing randomness of the heart at least.

It is to try to find out these two things that I need a Holter monitor, a portable EKG basically, measuring the heart activity in real life activity rather than while lying on my back. ¬†But I can’t get that for a while due to the way health care is rationed here in Norway. So there is no point in triggering these things in the meantime. There may or may not be a risk to having them – I am not a cardiologist, but judging from the Internet they are not regarded as good things exactly – and they are quite unpleasant. On the other hand, I want to be able to provoke them easily when the Holter monitor arrives, which won’t happen if I am too fat. Ideally I should stay around 87 kg, which is usually fat enough to not trigger any irregularities, but something I can easily get rid of in a few days of walking.

But evidently the fattening project has failed me. Yesterday I took a short walk again, just half an hour or so, but of course the commute includes approximately 30 minutes of walking interspersed at various points (10 minutes to work and 20 minutes back, in addition to the bus ride) and then there’s the 20 minutes I walked during the lunch break. So I guess it all adds up. There were definitely some weird feelings about the heartbeats during the afternoon walk yesterday. So I was not really surprised to see my weight had gone down again.

I can’t help but find this amusing. Because I get horribly sick if I eat fat, I have to eat large quantities of carbs and I still can’t gain weight unless I stay very, very quiet. If I hadn’t been sick, I would have struggled with ever increasing fat like most people my age, probably. I certainly was heavier before 2005, and these things usually only go one way. So now I have to eat as much as I can without getting sick, and stay indoors on a sunny evening when the jogging shoes are beckoning.

There are probably literally millions of people who wished they were in my place. Whining about not being able to get fat is like whining about not having enough to do at work. Which, incidentally, I haven’t. My boss is super happy with me and has recently decided to give our team less to do. ^_^ I could have taken more phones, but I conveniently also have an illness that restricts my speaking. And one that restricts my traveling. I am all set! Better living through chronic illness!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *