Reflection on my 2010

Actually, for me the year did not just fly by. Which makes it even more embarrassing that I did not achieve anything worth mentioning, and that I am still pretty much the same person I was a year ago.

2010 was a likable year for me personally. I was not sick much, I loved my job, and no close relatives died. Overall, the year deserves praise for doing a good job, don’t you think?

On the other hand, I did not change much in 2010. That is my own fault, surely. It was not like I did not have opportunities. But compared to 2009, I pretty much stood still, or so it feels.

2009 was a year when I changed quite a bit, for an adult. In late winter I started using brainwave entrainment, and used it regularly through the year. (I don’t use it that regularly anymore, though I still use it sporadically.)

In spring I discovered Happy Science and through the summer began reading the books I could find in English. This triggered a (long overdue) realization that my job was love, and my attitude to it changed completely. (Although I am still not good at it. I guess you have to reap what you sow for a while.)

2009 was also when I started to build a library of timeless wisdom, or esoteric knowledge. Well, I guess I was moving in that direction already from a year or two before, but in 2009 I consciously started seeking out transformative literature. That is to say, the type of books that change you.  I have continued down that part in 2010, but I have not changed as much as I hoped. Words of wisdom are hard, so I tend to evade them more than I expected.

Looking back at 2010, I can’t say that much happened at all. I went to work, came home, played Sims 2 or 3 or City of Heroes, biked a little, ate noodles, watched anime, wrote some fact or fiction, and went to bed. It is a good life if you like work,  games, anime and noodles, which I do. But I had thought I would work more on my soul and less on my hobbies, compared to what I actually did. It is not like I was completely absorbed in these things, but looking back, I believe my priorities were off.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time. But that is when it is hard to change, is it not? If I don’t take the opportunity to change voluntarily, I may have to be exposed to some kind of crushing defeat in order to realize that I need to change. Some great loss or something.  It would be better to not have to undergo that, but realize when all goes well that this is my time of opportunity.

I have an extremely pious friend who visits me a few times a year. Last time, in late fall, he commented on how much happier or brighter I seemed lately. And that is probably true. I really feel like my life has gotten brighter. But now I need to sow the seeds for a much brighter future, and more importantly, eternity.

4 thoughts on “Reflection on my 2010

  1. I am very happy that you seem happier to those around you. We worry about you being all alone on another continent!

    • Well, physically I am alone, but that I would have been even if I lived in Texas. In the other sense, I hope and pray that I will not be alone. I think there are many – perhaps most – married men who feel more lonely than I.

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