There are some people who don’t like dating. Kazehaya-kun is not actually one of them, he is just waiting for the right girl, who is the one who thinks Â he does not want anyone. Â (Kimi ni Todoke is a highly recommended show btw, family friendly and edutaining.) I, on the other hand, actually don’t like dating and don’t want romance even if it were thrown after me. So what am I doing on a dating site?
I am pretty sure it was not a dating site when I joined it. It probably had another name as well, because according to Wikipedia this site was launched a month before City of Heroes, and the reason I signed up was a quiz related to the alpha version of CoH, which was changed pretty dramatically when I took part in its closed beta, more than a month before it officially opened.
Anyway, I have been hanging around since. It is free, after all, and they still have quizzes too. I have a profile there, explaining politely that I’m not looking for a date, or anything really. I must be looking cuter than in real life though, because occasionally a woman still picks me. It will probably just be more now that I have adjusted my income upward a bracket. Â (It is the dollar that is sliding, if you must know. Thus my income, in Norwegian currency, can buy me more American books than before. The latest, currently in the mail, isÂ The Transcendant Unity of Religions, by Frithjof Schuon. I probably won’t understand it for some years though.)
It is not that I don’t need humans. I need them to sell me groceries and the occasional book. Â I just don’t need someone emotionally. I don’t have a human-shaped hole in my soul, and cannot remember a time I had. When I look inside, I see light, shining more and more brightly, from a tiny spark in the darkness to a roaring fire that grows from the inside and finally begins to engulf me.
Analects of Confusius, Book 2.
The Master said, “At fifteen, I had my mind bent on learning.
“At thirty, I stood firm.
“At forty, I had no doubts.
“At fifty, I knew the decrees of Heaven.
“At sixty, my ear was an obedient organ for the reception of truth.
“At seventy, I could follow what my heart desired, without transgressing what was right.”
I wish to become seventy too, and have a heart that does not desire transgression at all. My mother had it like that, or so she told me. “He who always wants what he should, always gets to do what he wants” she sometimes told me. This was how she had it. Yet her happiness was muted, it seems to me. Oh well. I will never know for sure. It is not my place to have an opinion on, anyway.
History tells us that Confusius had a mild-mannered wife who loved him, but he generally preferred to travel with his disciples instead. I am lucky to be in a position to not repeat that painful choice, which is good since I am not in a position to repeat his great work either.
Besides, as shown by my dreams over the last 35+ years, my sexual inclinations are of a somewhat Hobbesian nature (“nasty, brutish and short”), and I think we are all better off for me not actually sharing those with anyone. Besides, I have 19 nephews and nieces; my genes should just kick back and relax, leaving some space for the genetically inferior to reproduce for a little while more before the Itlands replace them the way our ancestors replaced the Neanderthals. ^_^
But I am probably going to be hanging out on that site for a while more, observing the fascinating species into which I was born, and looking for someone who has the kind of worries God would have, rather than the worries I myself had and which I have already found stupid in the past or will find stupid in the near future (if any). Â And when I find such people, I will congratulate them; but I will not date them.