Opium of the masses

Behind those eyes…

I want to expand something I tweeted today: Trying to not think about death, we also fail to think about life.

The most obvious meaning of this is the literal opium of the masses, drugs, and by extension alcohol as the most popular of them. This is not exactly evil; but it is a sad state to be in, that one feels the need to numb oneself even at the cost of one’s health.

The existential fear, the sense that life is meaningless, bothers many people today. Those who feel it most keenly are probably those who flee most desperately, thus the drugs and the drink. In a sense, such people are not far form religion, if the can overcome their fear. And arguably, religious people may not be far from drugs and drunkenness, should they lose their faith.

But literal drugs are not the only, and probably not the most common, escape from thinking about life, death and the meaning of it all. Most of us are able to find refuge in entertainment. For some it is necessary to have as much sexual activity as the body can reasonably keep up with; for some an entertaining book is enough. For the majority, it seems that TV is doing the trick. You sit down in front of the box and tune out. Going to bed, you wonder briefly where your day went, but then forget about it.

There are many things, from computer games to sports, that tend to absorb us. While immersed in these things, we don’t really think much about what we are doing, what we should do, and what we should have done. So these things allow us to continue our unreflected life. Not that they don’t have good sides too. Actually, I suppose some may think of distraction as one of the good things. I don’t, obviously, but clearly there are health benefits to exercise, and computer games train the brain. Social activities are also good for your health, especially your mental health, which is often the weakest link in the chain anyway.

There are many things people consider important, and even feel obliged to put their thought and effort into. Earning money, of course: Bills don’t pay themselves, at least not in America. It is a bit easier here in Scandinavia. Then there is the keeping of the house, whether it is cleaning or maintenance. And the car and the garden and probably other possessions as well. The more we buy, the more time goes into just maintaining it all. And having done so, we feel obliged to use the things we have put so much time into.

In the end, we more or less drift through life, rarely stopping to wonder whether we are on our way toward our goal, or even whether we have a goal. Immersed in all these things we are almost asleep. And I won’t deny that religion can also be one such “busy-ness” to distract us.

But to some of us at least, that is far from the case. The supposed comfort of religion is a puzzle to me. For me, religion has been like a fire alarm going off in the middle of the night. A cause of terror and struggle to overcome deep sleep. But most of all an intrusion of reality destroying my comfortable dream. Until recently, the most important word in my religious vocabulary was “Hell”. That was what it boiled down to. I felt that my life in this world was good, and could have been even better, if I did not have this threat hanging over me. If not for fear of judgment, I could have done so much more. I could have enjoyed myself without restriction. I did not fear death as much as the things that come after death.

Things have changed a bit. I now believe in a happiness that runs through this life and the next, and this is the joy of giving, of being helpful, of spreading hope and courage and understanding. I have not really achieved much in that regard, but this new life makes sense to me now. I still distract myself, sometimes just out of habit, but the gravity of the old world is losing some of its grip, and another gravity is pulling me upward. So that is good, as far as it goes.

I can very much understand those who want to keep sleeping. But the truth is that the house is on fire: Not only our own life, but everything we hold dear in this world is like the picture in a kaleidoscope, bound to fall apart and change into unfamiliar forms at the slight shake of a hand. Our house, our job, even children and grandchildren for those who have those… All that has form is sure to come to an end. Even the human race, even Earth, even the visible universe is heading toward dissolution. It will be utterly forgotten like the last dream of a child that dies before daybreak.

I am sorry, but this is what science tells you. But if you get drunk, you can forget it. Or if you wake up, you can experience eternity while you are still in time.

I think everyone who has family or friends, have at least a vague feeling that these souls are more worth than anything in the world, even if we can forget and take them for granted. Deep down, we know. When everything shakes, and the picture of your world shifts into something unfamiliar, you realize that one human soul is more than the whole world, more than the planets and the stars in the sky. Eternity lies behind those eyes.

20 thoughts on “Opium of the masses

  1. “Until recently, the most important word in my religious vocabulary was “Hell”. That was what it boiled down to. I felt that my life in this world was good, and could have been even better, if I did not have this threat hanging over me. If not for fear of judgment, I could have done so much more. I could have enjoyed myself without restriction. I did not fear death as much as the things that come after death.”

    This has been something that has been bothering me lately, the fear of judgement.

    • I think fear of judgment is quite reasonable as long as I 1) judge others, and 2) do things myself that are worthy of judgment.

      I would like to live like Confusius during his old age: “Even if I were to do whatever I wanted, I would not transgress against Heaven.” My mother said something similar: “He who always wants what he should, always gets to do what he wants.”
      Of course, the fast track is “judge not, lest ye be judged”; but it is amazing how automatic we form “opinions”, which is a more value-neutral word for judgment…

    • It would be ideal if we could just decide to stop judging others, but this is hard to do while living in society. Even if we don’t want to judge them, we constantly form opinions on what they do, and this colors how we relate to people. If I found out that my neighbor had been arrested for unprovoked violence, would I really be able to meet him and greet him in the exact same way as before when I met him again? That seems not only hard to do, but kind of worrying in itself.

      What I have found, however, is that whenever something others do cause unrest within my heart, the reason for that unrest, for the emotion, is not the other person but something in myself. It could be that I either do or would like to do the same thing. Or it could be that it makes me want to defend something else.

      Let us take an example. For instance if I hear about a man who has taken advantage of helpless women, and I become very upset. I want to see this guy dead! I wish I could strangle him with my own hands! Or at least sneak out on a rooftop and shoot him with a sniper rifle on the way to court. It could be because I too have a fetish for helpless women, and I am upset that he got to do something I didn’t. Not a very pure motivation!
      Or it could be that I have friends or relatives who could potentially fall victim to people like him, and I feel that I wish I could protect them but I can’t. But even this is a feeling that has its root in myself. The criminal in question perhaps lives in a completely different part of the country, there is no rational reason why this should affect me. But my subconscious mind, trying to keep me from reflecting on myself, focuses all its energy on that person. Never mind that I am highly unlikely to actually shoot him from a rooftop, so my agitation in my living room has zero value for humanity or myself. It still happens until I adopt the habit of immediately turning to self-reflection whenever I notice that others cause negative emotions in me.

      In reality, other can not cause emotions in me. Only I can cause emotions in me. When I judge others in an emotional way, it is because I am actually defending myself in some way. Perhaps for something I do or want to do, or perhaps for something I feel that I should have done but didn’t. These feelings are then projected outward, into the judgment. What was merely an opinion becomes anger. Burn in hell, goddamn sinner! But my subconscious knows bloody well that in reality, it is all about me. I am the goddamn sinner. And so, a shadow of fear fall on me.

  2. If you are judged as you judge others, you (not specifically YOU, but the more general “you”) are in deep shit. This is true for me, you, and most of the human race.

    Since, as Christians, we are given a “get out of hell free” card, so to speak, if taken with proper seriousness and gratitude, we are spared the damnation that we so freely give (or think about giving) others.

    If this weren’t so, however, and we were judged as we WOULD judge others if we were omniscient and could see the motives, regrets, real excuses, etc., for the actions that we condemn . . . wouldn’t we be merciful where mercy was warranted? I think I would. I hope so, at least, and when it comes down to brass tacks . . . I’m fairly certain that I’d show mercy in the hope to err on the compassionate side than to do otherwise. I try to give the benefit of the doubt now in my earthly life, but I am not always successful at it.

    So . . . if we were not limited to our human knowledge of what we see of others actions but could instead see into others’ hearts and minds, we would know when and what to forgive . . . and would presumably do so. Therefore, if we are judged like that, when we are brought into accounting for our human lives before One who knows every part of our hearts and minds, we will also be forgiven flaws that we would forgive.

    This is not as good as forgiving simply because that is the pure and loving thing to do, of course, but it gives credit for good intentions (the same ones, perhaps, that are supposed to be paving the road to hell). I would bet (perhaps in all naivety) that most people really believe they are not doing evil things, and that they really do feel awful about the awful things they do. Since I’d hope to be forgiven such things, I hope to be forgiven my general human shittiness.

    This is a moot point, in reality, since we are forgiven through grace, no matter whether we are very gracious ourselves or not. I like the thought that it does take intentions, self-recrimination, and true regret into account. I’ve always been troubled by good intentions (or bad ones, for that matter) not being taken into account, because it seems that if Paul is correct and even those who lust in their heart without acting on it are sinning just as if they had lusted in the flesh . . . shouldn’t we be given some credit for doing the opposite in our heart?

    In the end, intentions are obviously not as sound a coin as actions, of course. I like the part in _A Christmas Carol_ (the book; most staged versions seem to leave this part out) in which Jacob Marley takes Scrooge over to the window and shows him the spirits of those who did not “walk forth among their fellow man” in life trying, and failing, to show compassion and mercy to needy people now that they’re dead and can SEE and UNDERSTAND their plight . . . and part of their “hell” (or so I consider it) is that they’re eternally able to see where mercy and goodness is desperately needed, but also eternally unable to ACT upon what they see. Talk about a purgatory that would, in my opinion, really do some good where it’s needed!

    And those who don’t forgive unless they can see inside the person who needs forgiveness’s heart and find it worthy of forgiveness would be much like Thomas, who didn’t believe until he placed his hands in Christ’s wounds. Blessed are those who forgive others wholeheartedly WITHOUT surefire knowledge of their actual heartfelt repentance. But still . . . if doubters are finally able to see inside the person and understand what was going on in their hearts and minds when they were committing acts that require forgiveness . . . when such doubters see and forgive, they are still forgiving. They just are relying on their own knowledge as Thomas did, and, therefore, an omniscient judge would also forgive the doubters their faults. Wouldn’t He?

    But in our case, like I said earlier, we are forgiven. However mean and stingy we are with our actions in life, if we claim the gift of grace then it is given to us. It would be nice to be able to look back and see that perhaps we lived in such a way as to be a blessing to others during our time on Earth so that our nobler and purer motives and intentions are visible and tangible. That is, I think, our ultimate function here in this life. Our job is to try to beat back the coarser impulses within our hearts and hopefully “throw away the worser part[s] of [them] and live the purer with the other half!”

    Very tired and rambling, so . . . this probably makes no sense at all and is full of easy places to pick it apart. I hope you understand what I MEAN, though!

    • One of the most serious things in the Bible is Jesus’ repeated and crystal clear teaching (it’s even in the Lord’s Prayer, for Pete’s sake) that forgiveness is conditional. If we can’t forgive others, we can look forward to staying in jail until we have paid every cent.

      (Yeah, that looks like purgatory rather than Hell, if there actually is a difference, but it does not seem like a pleasant time. And like all these things, it begins already in this life, as we think about those guys and our worm won’t die and our fire won’t stop burning us. Well, until we give it up.)

      You are absolutely right that people don’t try to be evil. Except for some posturing by angsty teens, most people think themselves very good indeed. Generally, the more depraved and cruel people are, the better conscience they have. There is nothing that can spur a man to such cold, deliberate cruelty as having a good conscience and feel that he is being treated unfairly. He will pay back seven time seventy times the unfairness and feel good about it. Having been that man, I have an idea of it.

      When I was a kid, I thought exceedingly well of myself, and those who disagreed, I patiently waited for the opportunity to kill, passing the waiting time practicing with shotguns and long knives. So I do have some inside knowledge on this.

      To understand is almost as good as to forgive, it has been said (although not by Jesus). It certainly makes it a lot easier. Generally, people really know not what the hell they are doing. Having been there, I can vouch for that.

      • (Of course, knowing all of this doesn’t mean I would necessary be able to FEEL forgiveness toward someone who did some heinous crime against me or a loved one. Therefore I pray God to not test me that hard, but treat me like the thin eggshell that I am. Should I ever graduate to sainthood, I am sure God will notice and adjust my challenges accordingly. So far he has stuck with eggshell mode.)

  3. “When I was a kid, I thought exceedingly well of myself, and those who disagreed, I patiently waited for the opportunity to kill, passing the waiting time practicing with shotguns and long knives. So I do have some inside knowledge on this.”
    I hope you are not serious.

    • Well, those were small-caliber rifles, for squirrel hunting and such. By the time I graduated to moose hunting rifle, I began to come in contact with the Truth and revaluate my plans for world peace through murder. It seemed like a good idea at the time. And I got rid of the occasional rat in the process. I don’t think my parents really knew the reason for my enthusiasm.

  4. The “not feeling” of the forgiveness that is given with the lips is why I sometimes just admit that I haven’t forgiven something. I can’t say it if I don’t feel it, because it is pretty serious stuff. Simply saying that you forgive something reeks of lying . . . to others, but also to yourself and to God (which is ridiculous, because you quite literally can’t lie to God). So . . . I admit that I’m having trouble, pray about it, try to find good things about people or at least imagine what it must be like being a dumbass like them, then I can pity them. Once I can pity them their ignorance, stupidity, callousness, whatever . . . I can begin to imagine what must have happened to make them that way, and how they might have been different under different circumstances. Then, eventually, I can get to at least some level of forgiveness. Being a very judgmental person is easy for the daughter of a policeman, for an older sibling/cousin/caretaker, for a mother, and for a teacher. I do, at least, try to turn my judgmental nature toward the light, and I pray for understanding and forgiveness (eek!) of my weak human nature. God knows, and God loves. When I make no effort to understand and forgive, God also knows. And God still loves, but I have to think I’m an even greater disappointment than usual when I do such things. Which is often. Pretty much daily.

    An impulse to help and protect the weak and preyed-upon, to see those who should be loved and nurtured receive that love and nurturing . . . I can’t see this as a bad thing. I suppose anger at anything is bad, but even Jesus was angry at the money-changers in the temple for defiling something clean and lovely and holy, that should have been kept as spiritually pure as it was physically beautiful. I’d say that the helpless and innocent who are not being treated properly are very similar, wouldn’t you? Of course, Jesus WAS God, and it’s God’s to judge . . . but one does feel a kinship with the human Jesus in this case!

    In my youth I sometimes frightened myself when I realized that it would not actually be terribly difficult to get away with murder. This is probably not true today, however, with today’s forensic technology. Still . . . it makes me happy that I have grown enough that I don’t think about this much any more. I can’t say that I wouldn’t have a strong impulse to mistake the gas-pedal for the brake if certain individuals appeared before me on the highway, but . . . I wouldn’t actually DO it. I’m 99.99% sure of that! 😉

    • We can definitely WILL forgiveness before we feel it. Feeling it can be a work in progress. We are our will to a higher degree than our feelings.

      There is no conflict between stopping evil people (if we have the chance) and forgiving them. Jesus warned against the religious leaders of his time in very strong words, yet he prayed for them and died for them.

      If I saw a boy about to go on a shooting spree at a school, I could understand him easily. I would still kill him at the spot if I could, rather than let him condemn himself further with a massacre.

  5. Also, sadly, I am a much better shot when imagining something (read: someone) that NEEDS to be shot before my eyes instead of simple paper targets!

  6. I am not saying that I would not be working on the forgiveness thing, I just can’t say I’ve done it until I have. I can say, “I am working on forgiveness there.” But I can’t say, “I have forgiven it!” unless I can feel it. It bothers me when I’m feeling wrathfully toward someone because of something they’ve done to me. I feel much less bad when I feel wrathful toward others because of things they’ve done toward those who are unable to protect themselves. But I realize that THAT is a serious character flaw. And I work on it. But I have to be honest and say that that is how it is.

    • I think I understand you, I just don’t want anyone to think “I’m never going to forgive them!” and die in that state of mind. It is true that Jesus says that in his Father’s house there are many rooms, or mansions. There are some people we just don’t naturally compatible with. But that is different from hating or bearing grudges. If we feel “the world is not big enough for the both of us”, then I fear that neither will the next. And that is one of the most frightening things I can think of. Then again, I have kind of been in the Hell of Strife when I was young. I have reason to fear. I lost count of the nights I woke up from dreams of killing people, with guns or knives or stones or even strangling them with my bare hands. And of course, being stalked by murderous enemies too. Week after week of harvesting the hate and suspicion I had nourished from my childhood through my teen years. I don’t see it now, but are there roots left? What would happen if I was put to a serious test? I would rather not find out right now.

  7. I’m not sure what you mean by a serious test, but I’d expect you to defend yourself if you were set upon. Turning the other cheek is wonderful, but so is living to forgive the attackers! 🙂

    When it comes to fight or flight, I am going to fight, if nothing else because I don’t want to feel like I’m being chased by something dangerous. That is different from plotting to hurt people, or even hurting people just because of being reckless.

    I’ve had dreams of just beating the ever-loving shit out of people, and being SOOOO frustrated, because I can’t hit hard enough in my dreams. I am always aware in the back of my mind that, uh-oh, I need to calm down! But there they are (and sometimes it is funny who “they” are, too!), and there I go.

    As long as these aren’t serious daydreams, though, surely they are excusable. Possibly even good. They allow you to vent some of the anger (although I also wake up majorly pissed sometimes, and I quite surprise Jeff if he happened to be anywhere around in the dream and wasn’t helping me out!), and I’ve found that it also makes me aware of when I’m unconsciously holding something against someone.

    If we have to be judged by our night-time dreams as well as our conscious lives, I’m in big trouble, though!

    I realize that you were quite serious about your hatred, and I’m not making light of it. But you also were a child. Maybe an “old child”, but a child. And you do far more to rise above these demons than is probably outright “required” of you. Perfection is the goal, but imperfect is what we are. And, in a way, that’s good, because imperfection, awareness of our imperfections and sincere regret lead to an awareness of the amazingness of the gift of grace!

    Good night. Again, I’m just “talking out of my ass” in a most sleepy and exhausted state! We’ve been to my parents’ house and back in less than 48 hours, and tomorrow is the last Monday of the school year. WooHoo!

  8. I don’t think we are judged for our nighttime dreams. Rather, I think our dreams ARE judgment. I believe the nightmarish violence of my dreams in my 20es were a kind of “purgatory” for the hate accumulated during my formative years. I doubt these “reverse nightmares” are all that common – I mean, they were nightmares, but usually in nightmares you are the one being murdered, not the only way around, right?

  9. Most of my dreams are uneventful..

    I did have this weird dream where I was stuck in a video game similar to Eye of the Beholder..

    • I stopped playing that game after a nightmare. Then again it was a creepy game. And I didn’t stop playing Daggerfall even after several nightmares.

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