Category Archives: meta

tl;dr

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Pick one or another! People only read blogs that cater to their particular narrow interest, so should I stop writing about a thousand different things?

The dreaded acronym tl;dr means “too long; didn’t read”. I hope the use of an acronym was originally ironic: If not, it shows the sad state of impatience that is widespread in the world.  As I mentioned last time, this is not entirely due to the Internet: The TV remote and the crazy jumpy nature of TV programming has prepared us for the world of soundbites.

But this time is not about how we got here. This time is about what I should do about it.

I have written literally thousands of journal entries. By coincidence, or inspiration, or copying Debra, I have included a picture at the start of my entries from the very beginning. This was smarter than I knew, because I know today that people turn and run at the sight of a huge screen of text. A pretty or funny picture puts them in the mood to stay long enough to overcome the backspace reflex, and possibly read some of the text.

That said, even I reached the tl;dr point of my own journal after about ten years.  That’s why I went on hiatus, and that’s why I eventually shifted my journal to WordPress.  The old HTML setup was great, arguably better in some ways.  But the link to the years-ago entries (1 year ago, 2 years ago, …, 9 years ago…) caused me to go back and read those.  And when I had done that, the day was pretty much gone. I did not have time to write a new entry too. So I stopped.

If even I cannot read this mountain of text I have produced, who else will?

One problem is that the quality varies randomly.  Not just the content, but the quality.  The content is one thing, you cannot expect someone who came for the Sims to stay and read about spiritual practices.  (Although the Sims do yoga and meditation…) But even when writing on the same topic, sometimes I write better than other times.

And of course I change over time, and facts change over time. So I may contradict myself, when I don’t repeat myself.

Perhaps I should just keep adding seemingly random stuff at this end of the journal, and leave to historians of the future to try to organize it. I mean, who else would, when even I myself can’t imagine going through it all?

Or perhaps I should split off different categories into different blogs. Actually I already have that.  I have a pretty much purely spiritual blog in English, a personal and a political / philosophical blog in Norwegian (that I rarely write in), I have my Sims blog on LiveJournal, I have Twitter and FaceBook. But I could go further.

I have considered  making a more systematic overview of my philosophy of the mind. A kind of one-man Wiki perhaps, with links between the different parts that relate to each other.  Or perhaps something more similar to a book, which imposes a kind of narrative and presents my thoughts in order.

Then again, should I really do that for the couple readers who don’t come just for the pictures?  If it is that important, historians of the future will do it.  If it is too long, people won’t read it anyway, right?

tl;dr: I don’t know how much work I should put into writing for a generation that does not read.

Years of change

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Well, people change after two years. (I am pretty sure I had very nearly the same text with a different girl a few years ago, perhaps this is a common proverb in Japan? Anyway, I have changed again so it is appropriate.)

I am honestly not sure when or how the latest changes started. It is a little more than a year since I came across the easy-to-read spiritual self-help books by Ryuho Okawa. It is a year and a half since I started experiments with brainwave entrainment. It is probably more than three years since I started reading One Cosmos, a right-wing political blog with a side order of perennial religion, or possibly the other way around.

Of course, the sheer process of growing older – specifically to be 50 and above – may also have made a difference. When you are 50, it should dawn on you that you are not a kid anymore. Less than 70 years left of the appointed human lifespan. Time to wise up!

So there is no helping that my on-line journal also changes. Most likely there will continue to be more religion, philosophy and psychology, and less game reviews, anime reviews, and buttpics. I like my new self, there is an added depth to it. I mean, I was already very wide. (Speaking of interests here, not my body.) I would write about many different topics, from the ancient past to the near future, from farming to computers, from mythology to economy. This is because I was thinking about all those things. I may be a bit less wide-ranging now, but going more deeply into some things.

There are also changes that are less obvious. I write very little about work, for a number of reasons, most of all because my employer really really does not want me to write about it. Ideally I should not even let you know whether I go to work on any particular day. But my attitude to work has changed perhaps more than anything else. I used to consider it a curse, a punishment from God. Now I see it as a mercy, an opportunity to express my love for the human world, to pay back some of the good civilization has done for me over the course of my lifetime. Unfortunately, there are still certain things that make it hard for me to be of as much service as I want, but progress has been made.

I hope the changes will continue and even accelerate. I am curious as to who I will become if I continue to live. In some ways, entering a new life phase is like being a child again, with a thousand new ways opening before me. Which will I take? Who will I become? Will I, as the Japanese song said, surpass multiple destinies while I am alive? This may not fascinate you as much as it fascinates me; but if it does, I hope to keep you updated as long as possible.

Flattery, lol

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Why am I not excited? Read on to find out!

You may not be aware how awesome I am, but the comments I receive show it. Here are some of the most recent:

“an outstanding blog if i ever seen one. If you are the type to update your website daily, then you have gained one daily reader in me today. Please keep up the powerul work.”

“Thanks for the interesting content!!!”

“Incredible post. You really understand what you are writing about here. Im so happy I was able to locate this site. I look to see more great writing from you. Keep up the excellent work.”

“I just wanted to comment and say that I really enjoyed reading your blog post here. It was very informative and I also digg the way you write! Keep it up and I’ll be back to read more in the future”

“Wonderful to read!”

Weren’t those all nice comments? And weren’t they all completely free of references to what I actually wrote? And weren’t they all from people whose contact info is some shoddy commercial website? ^_^  Yes they were!

Humans are so weak to flattery, it is hilarious. Well, it is all fun and games until someone loses an eye, as they say. Or their mind.  Or their virginity.  Or an awful lot of money, I guess, especially if you lose more than you have. Ancient Scriptures compare flattery with a hunter setting a trap, and that is certainly apt.

As you become able to connect to higher realities – through religion, philosophy, science, great literature – you can afford to think more objectively about yourself. Well, it is unlikely that we will do so 100%, but we can certainly move in that direction. And as we do, we gain resistance to flattery. This is an immensely useful power to have in real life.

Writing about writing

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From the anime KimiKiss Pure Rouge (I keep spelling it Rogue, but actually it is probably because it has an insane amount of blushing). Anyway, the meaning will make sense further down.

Things have their ebb and flow, and right now my creative writing has its ebb. It may look like it is not just the creative, but I have actually been writing some pretty groundbreaking non-fiction too. Unfortunately it is not ready to be shared, I think.  I guess this goes into the “bottom of the iceberg” for now.

Also for the benefit of my writing, I have watched Japanese high school love anime.  First I reviewed my favorite episodes of the series Hatsukoi (meaning First love).  Well, that one is partly about middle schoolers too.  As such, it is fairly decent, although it did have more vaguely erotic moments than I remembered.

Then I started watching KimiKiss Pure Rouge, another similar series which (like Hatsukoi) was not very well received by fans.  Traditionally school love anime has either been about one couple and their rivals, or one boy and a circle of different girls.  The first type is usually aimed at girls, the second at boys.  Oh, the surprise!  I am actually writing a story about a boy and his relationship (or lack thereof) with a number of girls, mostly in the Literature club at his school.  Unsurprisingly, the working title is Closed Books.

Both Hatsukoi and KimiKiss Pure Rouge, however, have a number of different pairings and especially love triangles.  KimiKiss has, from what I can see so far, three different male protagonists each with two different love interests.  They are generally not very honest with themselves either.  I guess that is business as usual, but when the three main character are blandly deceiving themselves despite intrusive memories of their real feelings, it becomes a little like parody, I think. I am a bit past halfway and I find it kind of hard to watch now.

Anyway, I think I just realized something pretty important when writing about love.  See, the problem is not really that I don’t know much about sex. This is a story about high schoolers, and if they are lucky, they don’t know much about sex either. The difference is that I don’t know much about loneliness. Barely anything at all.  A few minutes a few times in a lifetime. Perhaps an hour in total?

Ah, this may be hard.  Just when I think I have this “being human” thing down, I suddenly come upon something like this. Not that I am complaining, mind you. The thought of being alone, without the Presence, is like Hell itself.

Perhaps I should write about being a sixth-dimensional programmer instead, but who in their right mind would read that? People don’t even believe in the fifth dimension, even though it only takes a few minutes ridiculously simple practice each day for a while to begin sensing it.

A thoughtful silence?

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I haven’t been writing much lately, but I have been thinking some, and observing myself as usual. I have been observing my dreams each morning. This morning I dreamed that I had moved to (or perhaps built) a house on the road to the farm where I grew up. The road goes through a stretch of wilderness with trees, bushes, shrubs and stones, where the nearest farms are at best distant lights. I remember when I was little, walking to school in the morning, during the dark season here in Norway, and I afraid of the dark. I would talk loudly or sing to hold at bay my fear of the dark and the things that might lurk there – wolves or giant animals, perhaps. This was a more innocent age, where the fear of children was not men. In any case, this was the stretch of road where I now dreamed that I had set up my home. While living there, I was approached by an angry fox, which I eventually befriended, and later a lynx, which I was still trying to befriend when the dream ended.

Not very useful information for future historians, perhaps. Who knows?

Part of the reason for holding my tongue is that I am, as usual, pondering the lessons I have learned from sect leader and acclaimed author Ryuho Okawa. He pretty much ticks of the check list for Antichrist: He tries to transcend and include existing religions, including Christianity. He claims to be the God who resurrected Jesus Christ, and even has temples built where he can claim to be a god. Not the Creator, mind you: He stresses the enormous distance between us and the Primordial God. El Cantare is simply the spiritual leader of this planet – in fact, the name can be translated as “god of the world”. That alone should make the neck hairs rise on a Christian. And yet, for all that, this man is the first I can think of that has so much understanding in common with myself. So what does that say about me?

I don’t know. I try to review my life as it goes on, watching my thoughts and feelings and actions. I am only at the beginning of everything I do. But if I keep the current course, if I live to a ripe old age, will I end up becoming more and more like that man? My conscience really does not allow me not to, with the notable exceptions of claiming to be a god and an extraterrestrial and so on. Let us hope that exception keeps up, at least. But the principles of love, wisdom, self-reflection and progress? Hard to disagree with those. Working toward a happiness that increases the happiness of other people, rather than taking away from it? That should be obvious to anyone. Love is something you give, not something you can claim? That is an eternal truth. Just because a scary person agrees with it and preaches it does not mean it won’t remain true forever.

In the end, I will have to simply continue becoming more and more myself. If that means I become more similar to controversial people, then I can do nothing about it.

But I am thinking that I need to build on the “iceberg that is under the surface” – the 80-90% that should be hidden from sight. I cannot just blurt out every spiritual truth that I discover. But if I don’t, then to some extent I don’t get much new either. Because some of what I write is probably not really meant for me in the first place, but for some poor chap at the other end of Google. It is my dubious task to say the words that must be spoken, before they are lost forever. And “for each useless word that a human speaks, he shall make account on judgement day”, as Jesus says. Between these twin demands live I, and I suppose anyone who thinks seriously about words. There really is no other meaningful way to relate to words. The normal is to just let them flow out, like a dog who pees on every bush along the road. There seems to be no end to the pee and the words that the dog and the human use to mark their territory. But past a certain level of consciousness this becomes no longer tolerable.

Today is St John’s Wake, an important festival in Norway, and one of the few that have survived the transition to a post-Christian society. I was invited to gather with the neighbors this evening. I have not really had the opportunity to meet most of them since I moved here. I wish it could continue that way – not because I have anything against them or even fear them, but because I doubt my ability to be of any benefit to them whatsoever. Even if I go, it will surely be a waste of all our time. But then again, so is befriending foxes in a place that never even existed. So here I go, may God have mercy on my soul.

EDIT TO ADD:

I am home unharmed except for a cough. The whole event was very dignified, and I think I blended in pretty well after a little while. Two policemen showed up at the end, probably because of the bonfire. I am not sure open fire is legal at this point, as it is very dry. The bonfire is an essential part of the tradition though, so we had a small one. Nobody got arrested.

The darker the shadow?

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Myrkemann, my dark/dark tanker in City of Heroes. He is here to represent my dark side, although the Norwegian word Myrkemann (or Mørkemann) actually means someone who tries to discourage levity, entertainment and sensual pleasures in society. I am not sure how well that fits with me…

It seems that my recent commenter has returned, and has a reasonable question regarding my entry two days ago, “STILL evil inside“. He asks: “Why would someone like you get these dreams?” which was what I had already tried to say, namely that I am still evil inside after all these years. However, there is a very similar question that may throw more light on the issue, as it were: Why NOW?

I remember a time in my life where these dreams were particularly common and intense. This was in my twenties, and it was a time when I was trying to become a better person, make progress and become holy. I may have a more realistic view now of just what an immense undertaking that is, even with divine intervention on one’s side. But I’ve still been somewhat active lately, reading books of the Truth and thinking about the Truth and to some extent writing about it as well. I have been concerned about blessing others, doing my work with the purpose of giving back love to the world and so on.

There is a saying: “The brighter the light, the darker the shadow.” In natural life this is a bit of an illusion, as the shadow is only darker in contrast. But psychologically, it is quite real. There are forces that are balanced to keep us in our place. This is perfectly natural: At the very least, it generally keeps us from going insane on a whim. Insanity, like sanctification, takes time and immense dedication and energy that already moves in that particular direction. You cannot just sit down and think, “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool to believe that I was from another planet and had awesome powers to help people” and the next day you start claiming to be Kal-El from Krypton. No, a lot of work happens underground before the madness breaks out, and we cannot expect it to go any faster upward than downward.

“Indeed, to the General Law someone who ‘moves’ looks like a fugitive from collective work, and nature takes immediate steps – a whole series of appropriate measures – to make the rebel fall back into line” writes Boris Mouravieff. And not much later, he says: “But here again, he must be particularly vigilant not to spend the reserve as fast as he accumulates it.” Recall Ryuho Okawa’s rule about the iceberg? At least 80% under the surface? I suspect I have fallen foul of this to some degree. And so when the shape of things to come start to rise up above the surface, a corresponding shift in the center of gravity moves below water. “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” as a better man than I said.

This is not something new to me. It happens with alarming regularity. Well, when I make any changes in my life at least. Looking at my bookshelf, there has been some very visible changes: Something like my own weight in fantasy books have been replaced with a modest number of spiritual books. If that were to reflect the status of my heart, things would get hairy indeed. It is not quite that dramatic, but I can see how it would trigger a re-balancing.

I have from the start – or so it seems to me – in this journal striven to draw my own picture in both light and dark colors, because this is the nature of a human and I am still one. I am relentlessly reminded of this whenever I begin to wonder a little, since I seem to have so little in common with each of you. A little here, a little there, but it all adds up. But it may be too little for any one to find much reason to linger. If you come to read about my Sims, chances are you shrink back in horror from both my religious psychology and my nightmares (or especially the nightmares I am in my dreams). Conversely, if you come here for your religious edification, you will no doubt take offense before the week is over. And so on it goes. But at least I try to be “fair and balanced”, as they say in America, about myself.

More lightly esteemed

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This is the field in front of the house I rent, beside the road. You can see a corner of the shed to the left. In the background is our slightly horse-owning neighbors. My “lawn” consists of sand, mud, and a plethora of flowers.  I am not going to mow it anytime soon.

I think I may be conceited again. I have several spare “holy” entries written in whole or in part, which would no doubt reinforce the illusion that I am some kind of spiritual teacher. I love the stuff, but you should not think too highly of me just because the voice in my head shows me shiny stuff.  And I should definitely not think too highly of me either.  If I do, things like this may happen.

The last few days I have had this suffocating feeling.  No, not like being in love, I think, more literally, as if I can’t breathe in enough air.  That is true actually, see my May 10 entry about only having 78% lung capacity.  But it is not that I am short of breath when biking on my exercise bike or walking up stairs or dancing wildly to cute Japanese pop songs.  No, it is when I take a break at work, or walk through the city afterwards, and especially on the bus home. It is there to varying degrees through the day, but those are the worst.  It is pretty obvious from this pattern that it is a thing of the mind.  Neuroses are a sign from the subconscious that I am fooling myself – which is of course the human condition – but more specifically that it is coming to a head, that there is something that wants to be revealed and is poking me to get attention.  I don’t know what though.

The words of King David haunt me from time to time: “I will be more lightly esteemed than this and will be humble in my own eyes, but with the maids of whom you have spoken, with them I will be distinguished.” (2 Samuel 6.)  Norwegian Bibles have “small in my own eyes” here, which makes more sense since if we think we are humble, we probably still have some humility left to learn – at least that is my experience. Look at me, look at me, I’m so humble! What do you think of my shiny new humility?

No need to agree

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Do we disagree, or do we just live in different elements?

A reader recently told me they disagree with a lot of my ideas. This is good. It means they are thinking. Of course, thinking and then agreeing would be fine too. At a later stage of intellection, agreement or disagreement become less relevant. (You don’t need to agree with that, you’ll see it when you get there.) This is where I write from, at least in later years.

Of course there are Truths you have to agree with, or you will suffer and create pain around you. Like “love cannot be demanded, only given”. Mistaking such things is like mistaking east and west. You will never find what you look for, and the longer you keep going, the further away it gets.

But there are other things we can disagree on. In fact, I disagree with my younger self on some things too. And I disagree routinely with people who have contributed greatly to my current happiness and understanding. You may even find old posts where I quarrel with God or Jesus Christ.

Not only are we on different levels of development, we also have different temperaments and different life experiences. For this reason, we cannot just copy each other. You may compare Truth with an enormous mountain that we approach from different directions. If you happen to be very similar to me in temperament and background, you may readily see me behind you or in front of you. But if we differ in our starting point, we may have to climb for a long time before we get within sight of each other.

Even so, what matters is that we keep climbing. Or in more religious words, keep walking in the Light or walking in the Truth. You can also compare humans to plants who grow by absorbing the Light. We cannot really help where we start growing, but we can keep growing toward the Light.

Hmm, climbing and growing? Perhaps we are vines? Hopefully not poison ivy! If you find something poisonous in my journal, you should certainly disagree with it. Hold it up to the Light, for even I may not agree with myself forever.

***

Of course, it is required that you are in fact climbing, or at the very least standing at the base of the mountain of Truth and looking in that direction.  If you (and this is the general you, not just that particular poster) – if you don’t have a sustained spiritual practice, your opinions on the existence of gods, spirit realms, angels, spirits, souls etc are as interesting as your opinions on the existence of the Eiffel Tower or the Notre Dame or Versailles if you have never been to France.

This is just the way things are.  If you write to tell me that the place where I live or the place where I work don’t exist, I am likely to regard you as mentally challenged in one way or another.  The same applies with the place where I pray, even though it is inside me rather than in the 3-dimensional world.

On the other hand when I write about economics and most of politics, it is rare that I can claim any direct experience or divine revelation.  Some things are pretty obvious, but my predictions don’t always come true with regard to time.  And I won’t even bother to disagree about food, entertainment and trivia. Tastes do vary wildly.

Dark night of the turkeys

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On the contrary, saying “underwear” solves the whole problem. I am a big fan of solutions that answer the questions we did not ask, thus making the questions we ask unnecessary. Possibly even stupid, if we are lucky.

I have been lucky enough to get a few comments lately, mostly from someone using the pseudonym Turkey. That reminds me of something I just read the other day:

During Thanksgiving, many turkeys are killed and eaten. Shortly thereafter, each year, winter comes. Thus, killing turkeys causes winter.

Spurious connections like these are everywhere, thus conspiracy theories, superstition and many of the daily mistakes of ordinary people. Ooh, that reminds me of the other turkey quote:

“Based on projections from the previous months, we turkeys look forward to the Thanksgiving season with great confidence.”

Even if something is obvious, even if it is self-evident, it may still be wrong. This is why we need ever higher (or wider) perspectives. The higher our point of view, the wider we can see, and the more connections. More about that in a separate post, Light willing.

I keep thinking that if someone disagrees with what I say, it is caused by my failure to communicate. If only I could explain what I see, it would be self-evident that it is the truth (as far as it goes). But that is just how I see it now. When I meet someone who sees things from a higher perspective than I do, I try to get to where they are, at least in theory. For this reason, whatever I say now may seem stupid to me if I live another decade. Hopefully long before that. On the other hand, I do recognize stupidities of my own past in other people, and that is not meant as an offense. On the contrary, it is a message of hope. If I can see things I didn’t, then so can others. I am not some kind of avatar who just pretends to be human. My journal over more than a decade bears that out, in case anyone would ever be in doubt. Not that I think there is much doubt yet, more’s the pity.

Speaking of slaughtering turkeys, I certainly have no intention of even hurting the feelings of the local Turkey. Rather, my intention is to increase the happiness of all and one, for this life and the next.

On that note, I tend to believe that happiness, unlike pleasure, can be carried over from one life to the next. Pleasure is of the body, but happiness is of the soul, if not spirit. Actually I think a deeper word is needed for the spirit, such as “enlightenment”. That is what we all want deep down. But some get caught up in pleasure, the first level of happiness, and chase it and it alone for the rest of their lives. Others get caught up in the joys of the mind, the next level, and that is where they stop. In each case, the one who stops at an outer level will feel that proceeding inward would cost them their happiness, while actually even a modest happiness at a deeper level far exceeds an intense pleasure at a more superficial level.

This is obvious, right? Truth, self-evident? Now if only I can JUST DO IT.

***

Then again, I just got another comment from someone else. It asks why bra is singular and panties plural. I guess what really matters to people varies. I also guess a teacher of English could answer that on their feet.

But I am not a teacher of English. I am perhaps a teacher of the obvious, of what you already knew but never thought of before. (Such as, if in doubt use “underwear”.) At least that is my own favorite way of learning, being reminded of what I did not know I knew. But I can’t be a midwife of the soul before I have given birth to myself. Or that’s what the voices in my head tell me. (And here I thought constipation was as bad as it comes…) I sure have a lot of obviosity left to learn. Perhaps if it becomes Thanksgiving all year I may still have time to learn some of it. As it is, I keep confusing turkeys and black swans. Thanks, Taleb.

Not quite a parrot

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Sometimes I may be biting over more than I can swallow, but I try to only share what I have at least tasted, if not digested.

There is something I want you to know.  It may seem that I have been on a “Happy Science” spree since last summer, more or less, and there are other people also that inspire me but who you probably find distasteful. This cannot be helped.  You have to understand that I don’t believe anything, much less convey it to others, “because Master Okawa said so”, or because Robert Godwin said so, or Huston Smith, or Wilber or Schuon or Kierkegaard or, Light help us all, Mouravieff.  I may possibly bring forward something because Jesus Christ said so, but probably not anymore.  Rather, if I quote them or (more likely) paraphrase them, it is because my heart said so.

Okawa at least is bound to be happy if he finds out that, because he says repeatedly that you have not understood anything he says until you can tell it in your own words, and do so for five minutes or an hour depending on the needs of those who listen to you.  And that is exactly how I see it too.  So, sorry if we agree, but we did so before I had even heard of him, so there is no helping it!

Now, a human heart is not infallible, quite the opposite.  So when I talk about my heart here, I am not referring to the joy one feels when hearing that there is an easier way and you are allowed to do what you want. The world today is full of easy ways in religion.  Eastern faiths in particular are plagued with sects that say you only need to chant a particular text repeatedly to be saved or enlightened. And there are plenty of Christian churches that have followed the times so if you do the same as the majority of people, neither better nor worse, you’ll fit right in.

What I talk about is something else.  It is finding pieces to the puzzle that is life.  I have told repeatedly that my world is not made up of separate rooms:  Rather, it is as if I stand under one enormous dome, on the walls and ceiling of which are all the world’s sciences, seamlessly merging with their neighbors.  Cosmology gradually changes into astronomy on one side and subatomic physics on the other.  Medicine is inseparable from biochemistry and psychiatry, physics and chemistry fit together.  In this world, my whole world is one single entity, though smaller pieces are missing and the picture blurs when I get close enough to one of the walls. It is finding such pieces that fit the picture, it is the joy of finding those that makes my heart resonate, even if they come from a heretic or a madman.

Nor is this unique to me.  Johan Oscar Smith, founder of the Christian Church colloquially known as “Smith’s Friends”, supposedly said that he would learn even from a drunk man in the street. This is probably a good idea, because that is one of the few cases where people will say something that is not already said in mass media.  When sober and watching one’s reputation, it is common to only say what is already accepted by the group one belongs to.

In any case, I do test what I hear and hold it up against the Light.  If it is not shining brightly, I am wary.  I may refer to it in terms that make it clear that “this is what they say, not what I say”.  Or most commonly I just put it aside. If it seems dangerous, I may warn against it.  But my main interest is in that which I can sense is infused with Light.  That which increases love, hope, courage, peace, and depth in me personally or helps me radiate these things to others. If some people repeatedly give me these experiences, I am willing to live with the fact that they seem to balance between heresy and sheer lunacy, with a dash of blasphemy in the extreme cases.

So what I say is what I believe at the moment.  I may be wrong, and I change my mind from time to time.  But it is what resonates in my heart, and I strive to say it in my own words (unless it is already said perfectly).  After all, apart from keeping my friends updated on my trivial human life, the main reason for this journal is to say all the words that should be spoken, before they are lost forever.  Whether those words resonate with your heart or not, is entirely up to the Light.  I cannot choose it, and neither can you.  Hopefully someone, somewhere, sometime will get a little help from something I said.  Or if not, at least sometimes I do.