Short update

Looks like my next fad may indeed be gaming. I started a new “Build a City” challenge  in Sims 2. (Rules here.) This fiendishly complex challenge makes your first sim start all alone with no regular jobs, having to survive on gardening, fishing, selling paintings or novels etc. The goal is to build a thriving city by fulfilling various criteria for getting more people to move to the area, unlocking various careers, shops and nearby neighborhoods.

I was inspired to this one by reading the Build a City challenge of an online friend of mine, at . Mine is more tongue-in-cheek, with a city called Copycat and a founder named Nekomimi Eien (roughly translated, CatEars Forever). There will be robots. There will be catgirls. There will be catgirl robots. Or perhaps I’ll think of something else if I wake up tomorrow.
The weather is really nice now, but it’s still spring and I come home from work not long before sunset. The night comes later for each passing day though, and the snow is melting AGAIN.

The LifeFlow folks sent me another email. Just in case it wasn’t an automatic mailer, I sent a reply. It is a tough time being a skeptic, even a partial skeptic such as I. Life must be really interesting for the people who think brainwave hacking can cause them to leave their bodies, attract beautiful women and get threatened by the IRS. All this without necessarily believing in higher powers ( not counting IRS).

Quivering at work


Kyaaa! Endlessly happy endorphins and hormones course through their minds and bodies, causing them to quiver with pleasure!  And today it was my turn…

“Within 8 minutes you will quiver with pleasure ” says the website.  It sounds like something you would confine to the bedroom, doesn’t it?  Not that I know anything about those realistically vibrating rings or whatever my fellow singles collect.  No. But it is amazing what the mind can do with a little technical assistance pulsing at the right frequency. Or so we have learned from the website. In fact, the bedroom is one recommended location.  I tried that last night before going to sleep, but no quivering ensued. Perhaps because my ultra wide frequency headphones are really big, heavy and lumpy to wear in bed.

LifeFlow did make me quiver with pleasure at work today, though. Although I am not sure how much came from the isochronic tones and how much came from reading the outrageous deadpan parody of Bill Harris at their forum.

You can say what you will about Bill Harris, and a lot of people do just that, since he is rich and famous and they are not.  But one thing he does right is to pile on with information.  Actually the scientific content is pretty low – it is popular science at its most popular – but there is some science, some common sense and a lot of anecdotal evidence.  The sum total of this makes for a fairly specific impressions.  Well,  LifeFlow subtly copies the same recipe. They use their own words, no cut and paste, but they retain and use the same key concepts and in roughly the same order. If you have read Centerpointe stuff, it is very obvious.  Hilariously so, at times, although I am not sure if that was intended.  That makes it even funnier.

(The two competitors use the same basic technology, but only at the very core.  Both of them use binaural beats, which I have written about for a month now.  LifeFlow also uses monaural beats (where interference between two tones takes place in the air rather than the head) and isochronic tones (where a carrier tone is cut on and off, and the frequency at which it goes on and off is the target frequency).  Actually, the human ear cannot hear frequencies lower than 20 Hz at best, which is higher than those used to assist meditation.  Your body can FEEL the beat however if it is loud enough, but there is doubt about whether this causes brainwaves to follow the frequency. Isochronic tones however should work, in much the same way that pulses of light do.  They can also be used without headphones, but you still need the headphones for the binaural part.)

Where Centerpointe advertises “The lazy man’s way to meditate”, LifeFlow sells “the laziest, most enjoyable way to meditate ever”.  Centerpointe: “Did you know that people who meditate everyday are many times happier than those who don’t? They’re also healthier, and live longer.”  LifeFlow: “Did you know that people who meditate daily are much happier, healthier and live longer than those who don’t?” And so on, and on, for pages.  Everything Bill says, down to the dubious theory about reorganizing the brain on a higher level and the sage advice to not resist the change, Michael says too, in slightly different words.

So at work today I fired up the free demo MP3 which I had downloaded from their site.  While MP3 is a “lossy” compression, the LifeFlow Project Meditation still thinks it should have enough effect to impress the listener.  The sound was pretty soft, so I  turned it up quite a bit.  The result was an amazing feeling of suddenly being in a sunlit forest glade.  Birds were twittering, a small brook was gurgling happily in the background, and there were other vague sounds  like wind.  At this sound level, I could feel the  slight vibration in my body from the deep sounds that we can’t hear.  You may know this as “infrasound”.  In any case, it was as close  to being outdoors as you can be while in an office.

I enjoyed my improved work environment.  When the 14 minute demo stopped, I  just played it over. And over. At the fourth playing through (I think), I took a break from work and looked at their website, where I found the stuff above, where they were aping the Holosync Solution, down to the money back guarantedd (although there is only half as much money involved here) and the offer of personal follow-up and even a set of CDs on how to meditate. Each of these things and many others were lifted straight from Centerpointe’s Holosync pages, but casually written in other words.  At that point, I started to quiver with pleasure – or at least mirth – as endlessly happy endorphins and hormones coursed through my mind and body. As we say here in Norway, “a good laughter prolongs life”.

I had to turn off the sound and take a walk, but it took more than half an hour before the endlessly happy endorphins drained  enough that I could concentrate on work for more than a few seconds at a time.  I’ll definitely be more careful in the future, if any.  But whether the isochronic sounds could cause that kind of high without the hilarious and possibly unintentional parody, I don’t know.  If I find out, I will try to report again.

Unfortunately, the frequency used here (alpha) does not substitute for sleep, so I really really could need a bed now.

Awareness revisited


You won’t understand yourself in just 15 years – and probably not even 33, barring divine incarnation. But over the years, we catch the occasional glimpse of ourselves, and of the world, without the heavy curtains of habit, prejudice, custom and common assumptions.

(I wrote this post earlier this month but can’t see I have posted it before.  I probably felt that I was not worthy to write about such things.  I still am not, but we must say all the words that should be spoken, before they are lost forever.)

I know I wrote about awareness last month, but I think it is worth visiting again. I remember how little I understood – and how much I misunderstood – about it myself for most of my adult life.

Take the connection between awareness and intelligence, for instance. There is clearly a connection. People who are more intelligent tend to be aware of more things at the same time. (A positive correlation, as my high school teacher would call it.) This is most noticeable when people are severely lacking in the top domain, so to speak. They can be blissfully unaware of the effect they have on others, or of the consequences for themselves of what they do. There are also other small effects, like bumping into people and objects because they are looking another way or thinking of something else.

But then again you have the distracted professor stereotype. It is not all fiction, either. I have seen it firsthand. And to some degree I have been that way myself. Not quite the type who puts jam in the tea, and I have mostly had excellent situational awareness, but nobody would call me practical. Let us agree that I have a very low dust awareness, to put it that way. And my social skills were abysmal for most of my life. Then they improved. (And then I stopped being social at all, but that’s a slightly different matter.)

Experience plays a role in displayed awareness: When we have done something often enough, we no longer need to think consciously about it, and can move our awareness to other areas. It will look as if we are more aware, but in this case that is not necessarily true. It can be, however, if we use our newfound freedom from details to expand our view and take in a wider perspective. We can get an overview that integrates different things we were aware of separately, but were not aware of their connections.

But often experience causes us to become less aware, creatures of habit. There is actually a default network in the brain, a connected circuit of parts, and it works diligently to keep our awareness down, or so it seems. Our lives get automated, and when we have free time, this “default network” will immediately present us with some mind task that can distract us: Memories, plans, daydreams and what-if scenarios. That way we don’t need to be present in the moment and notice the world or, even worse, our own awareness.

(A small voice in my head says that I may be over-biologizing here. If this default network was The Enemy, any number of people would become Enlightened by falling and hitting their head. More likely this is a necessary part of the brain that just happens to pick up the slack when we don’t use the slack for other purposes.)

This is peculiar, indeed: There seems to be a process that slowly increases through life, removing our awareness, making us function more and more automatically. This is widely regarded as the reason why life seems to speed up as we grow older. Where once a summer vacation was interminably long, now entire generations swirl before our eyes and are gone, and then it is over, and where did the years go?

But even for us who have vowed to not kill time, for it is our life – even for us, the same mechanism is lurking within. To expand awareness is to swim against the current of time itself. The strange part is that it is such a simple, easy, even pleasant thing to do, and yet we don’t. We shrink back.

I still think one of the best descriptions of this conundrum is the Norwegian song “Floden” (The River) by Bjørn Eidsvåg, which I referred to on November 24th, 2006. (Is it really that long ago? Where did the years go?) Having still not heard an official English translation (please comment or mail me if you know one) I shall simply repeat my own near-literal and none too lyrical translation from back then.

Each time I dare to bathe in you, I become whole and clean;
and I feel a healing shiver go through marrow and bone.
I wonder now, why don’t I bathe more in you?
Why, why, when I feel the good you do to me?
It can almost seem like I try to avoid you
and am horribly afraid of the grace and joy you give me…
Peculiar, peculiar!

Yes, each time we reach into higher awareness, we feel almost instinctively that it is a good thing, we realize that this is how life was meant to be lived, we feel it rebalance our body and soul. And yet at some point we shrink back, driven by a fear we cannot explain. I believe this is a guard that is set around us to keep us from going insane. Think of consensus reality as an island we all live on. If you go off the deep end, you leave behind everyone and everything you have in this life, and you better have a really good reason for that!

So what I try to do is extend consensus reality a little bit at a time, here on the shallow end. To become a little bit more aware of what I do, what I say, what I feel, what I think. A little bit more aware of my motivations, of my mortality, and of the fact that not everything is about me. More about the things that are not about me in the future, if any.

For now, let me assure you that Ken Wilber and his book-writing friends are adding their voice to the unlikely choir of Jesus, Bill Harris, the Buddha and me, urging you all to watch and wake. (Although doing so might deprive both Centerpointe Research Institute and even the Integral Institute of some customers, I think. Eventually. I suppose theoretically some readers may even outgrow the Chaos Node. Nah…)

Loose tooth

The tooth that fell out last year is definitely loose again. And what is worse, it started hurting this evening. It is not so bad yet, except if it is exposed to heat or cold, such as if I eat or breathe with open mouth.  Over the years I have lost track of which ceramic teeth have had their root canals filled (common in the bad old days of dentistry) and which only have a needle. But I think it is a good guess that this one still has a nerve, given the sharp jabs of pain if it comes into contact with heat, cold or sugar. Also, given that it has been glued on twice before and is loose again now.

I don’t think we can blame Holosync for this one…

In tradition with the rule “each time you buy a laptop, God kills a tooth”, I have actually looked at another Linux laptop.  This time it is not for me, however, but a friend of mine who has it on her wishlist.  But evidently it is my teeth who go either way. I wondered about that. I guess it is better than her tooth falling out if I buy her a laptop.  She really can’t afford that – she and her husband both live in America now, and it’s not exactly caviar and champagne over there.

I haven’t actually ordered the machine – wonder if the tooth will grow attached again if I definitely decide to not buy?

I can live with the occasional jab of pain for a while. I am more worried about a root canal infection. I’ve read that those leak bacteria into the blood, where they can cause anything from rheumatism to atherosclerosis to sepsis with shock and sudden death.  (The latter being fairly rare though.) Some believe that even a successful root canal work will remain a focal point for continuing infection for the rest of one’s life, but this is not accepted in mainstream medicine. Of course, the worst that could happen if you believe it is to end your life with few or no teeth, and that was the norm in my grandparents’ generation.  Actually, most had all their teeth extracted before they retired. Can’t say they were any healthier than the next generation with their root canals filled though.

Return of the snow


So yesterday it snowed again, almost like winter. It is not winter though, it is white spring.  Today the snow plow was even here and made the scenery you see above.  It may still grow colder again, but for now the temperature stays above freezing almost all the time, so even if there comes some new snow now and again, it starts melting almost at once. It is like nature cannot really decide.

I feel a bit like that too.  I am a bit between fads, I think, so I don’t really know what will interest me tomorrow, if anything.

I uninstalled the Norton virus scan from my computer today and installed good old free Clamwin instead. Norton 360 is cool in that it actively catches worms and viruses if you are online without a firewall.  Which is the best way to be online, except for the worms and viruses, and especially if you are downloading fansubbed Japanese animated TV series that you don’t have time to watch anyawy. But it has its price.

I had Norton 360 for a year, even though it was kind of pricey.  I was even going to renew it, because I am lazy and money is not really a problem for a Norwegian, even of the barely lower middle class.  For a day the updater tried in vain to contact the server, or so it looked.  Eventually I started to suspect something, namely that it was trying to launch a website.  I changed default web browser to Internet Explorer instead of Opera, and it worked. Unfortunately, that was not a very reassuring trait, my antivirus program being unable to anticipate that I had another browser than the number one virus magnet on the planet. So it was only by a supreme effort of laziness that I continued the process. I filled in various information, including my credit card info, and sent it off.  The program chewed on it for a while, then told me that I had to try again later.  I tried a couple times, then waited a day or two.  When I tried again, the program came up with the same renewal screen – except the price was raised by about 40%.  Had I just happened to try to renew on the day they were re-pricing the product (and why would they do that anyway?) or had I showed so much commitment to them that they felt sure I would buy even at a much higher price?  We will never know, because I deleted Norton 360 from my computer.

I kept the free Norton scan, however.  It ran today, on its own.  A nice gesture. It found the usual cookies and stuff that I am better off having than not having, plus two viruses. These were in the browser cache, and since I had switched back to Opera they were harmless. (The viruses are written for Internet Explorer, remember?)  The program did not know this however and tried to seize its advantage by telling me that if I wanted to get rid of the viruses,  I would have to buy Norton 360.  Like fornication I will!  Norton virus scan deleted. If it is one thing that sets my teeth on edge, it is being treated like an idiot.  (Which makes sense once you know that where I come from, idiots are locked in a small room in the attic indefinitely, remember?)  Well, I’m not locked in by Norton anymore and hopefully I will find this entry the next time I am tempted to have any business with Symantec.  I tend to have vague memories of trivial things like this, and Google Desktop should do the rest.

I got new earphones recently too, but I can photograph them another day. This should be enough to convince you that I lived today too, always a bonus gift at my age.

Short update

I slept well last night.  7.5 hours and no nightmares that I can remember.  Still slowly making my way through the Integral Life Practice book. (Reading it on the commute to/from work now.) Defrosting the fridge. Weather has turned to snow again, or at least slush. Spent the evening working on my Sims blog.  It has been delayed greatly by the new things this month, the book and the brainwave experiments and even the resurgence of the Chaos Node. Actually I think more people read the Sims blog, and this is reasonable, since in some ways my sims are more like common people than I am. Anyway, time to brave sleep soon. So, short update.

Creepy sleepy 2


How could I possibly get any sleep when there are nameless horrors in my basement and faces of people who aren’t there?  (Apart from that, however, I’m fine.)

Well, at least I had one night of long restful sleep. Then last night the creepy returned, although different and less dangerous.

I had been in bed for about half an hour, but slept only a few minutes (unlike usual, it took me some time to fall asleep, I felt restless, perhaps because I had not exercised). I had a vivid dream, but this time in my dream at least I was not in my bed. Instead, I was in the hallway, a few steps away. I had opened the door down to the basement, which is currently not in use. The light was on down there, and there was some kind of activity. I called out, but there was no answer. I was filled with dread and slammed the door shut and locked it. Then I woke up in my bed.

The sheer ordinariness actually makes it worse, that it happens at the same place and time where I really am. It was as if I had just actually experienced it. I could not sleep again, also because my body was even more restless. I got up and turned on lights in each room – but the door to the basement I did not open. Even thinking the word “basement” made the hair on my body stand on end.

Having checked the rooms, I started exercising. And gradually the realization came to me. Let’s look at some amazing foreshadowing, here:
But perhaps you should wait a little longer before you set off to reclaim the parts of yourself that you have thrown down the stairs to the basement and locked the door after. Because there may just be a reason why one would go to such an extreme step with a part of oneself.
Shadow work is not a hobby, to be undertaken for the excitement of it. At the very least pick your shadows carefully, because you really don’t want them to take over your house and throw you down the stairs to the basement, then lock the door.

-Me, in the entry “Shadow work“, twelve days ago.

For most of my adult life, until a couple years ago, I did not have a basement. In fact, I used to live in a basement of sorts. So the phrase was purely metaphorical to me. Here in this house there actually is a basement – and for good measure, one that is mostly off-limits to me. (The landlord stores stuff there and even used to stay there for some days now and then.) It is the perfect embodiment of the subconscious, and it is right here a few steps from my bed!

For good measure, notice the irony of the phrase “a hobby, to be undertaken for the excitement of it”. What is this brainwave hacking, which I was already embroiled in when I wrote that earlier entry? A hobby, undertaken for the excitement of it. While a lot of people come to Holosync out of a desperate need to change their lives (or at least that is Harris’ impression), I am not one of them. Like my knowledge sims who roll the want to be hit by lightning, I am playing with things that are a few sizes too big for me, because of my curiosity.

And who is the part of me that was thrown down in the cellar? Well, I have a suspicion about that too, based on something else that happened while exercising. When I sit on the bike, my face is high enough to reflect in the glass mosaic window. Not as advanced as a church window, it consists of squares of different hues or different refraction, making it hard to see clearly through. The distorted face in the window took me back to the many years when I was scared of windows and mirrors in the dark, because seeing my face there reminded me of a childhood memory: Seeing the face of my autistic uncle in a windows when I was little.

My uncle was considered severely retarded (autism was not a diagnoses at the time) and was locked in a room upstairs. Not the basement, but the parallel is still kind of obvious. As a child, I was manically eager to show off how smart I was, and I have later thought this may have been because I feared being locked away and not counted as part of the family if I was too stupid. Like my uncle. We did not visit him, did not even talk about him (although my brothers scared me with him when I was too small to think, and I was scarred for life.) I at least did not even think about him, except when I happened to see his face in the window, the face of someone who wasn’t there, like a ghost only more physical. When that happened, I was filled with a nameless dread – the same dread that I felt this night.
Did Holosync indeed stir up this nest of hornets? I don’t know. It could be the ILP itself, or the time might just be right for it to surface. But messing with your deep brainwaves does seem like a prime suspect.

In any case, it took me a long time to quiet down. I did not get to sleep before the daylight was shining brightly through the window, so I only got like one hour or so of sleep. That can’t possibly be good, although I managed to function through the workday with only a minimal nap, a minute or two I’d say. Perhaps the stomach pain (in the ulcer spot) is also a price for the sleepless night.

I hope this does not become a hobby. But that said, perhaps it is about time the light of awareness starts shining into my basement. Carefully, very carefully.

My unusual brain


Well, I may be human but I wouldn’t say I’m ordinary…

I was slightly surprised that binaural brainwave entrainment seemed to work on me at all, even if just a tiny little bit. After all, my brain has been unusual as long as I can remember. Most notably, typical “right brain” talents are pretty much missing: The ability to draw, to keep a rhythm, to recognize faces. They are just not there. The rest of the brain can take up the slack to some degree: I will recognize faces eventually after seeing them often, just as I will recognize any other object that I’m around for a long time. But I’m just happy if I can remember my colleagues that I see every day, while others show up after twenty or thirty years and recognize you on the street. And so on.

(Oh, and I can’t sing with other people either. (I can sing alone.) And probably not make love, although I did not try that for years and fail to improve, as with singing. Judging from song and dance, I probably would have continued to fail though, so it was just as well.)

I also strongly favor my right hand. It is not that my left hand is hanging limply by my side. It assists well enough, and I can even touch-type. But it is always the right I rely on, whether for writing or throwing darts or eating. And there are many other indicators of handedness, like what eye you use to aim with a rifle or which way you cross your arms and legs. I did a test of those in one of Desmond Morris’ books once and got a staggering 10 out of 10 right hand (left brain). This is highly unusual. Put that together with the sheer absence of typical right-brain talents, and one could be forgiven for thinking I had been dropped on my head when I was a baby.

On the other side (literally), the typical left-brain talents are highly developed, more so than in the average person. I have a very large vocabulary, for instance. Bear in mind that English is my third language (after the two Norwegian languages) and that I have never visited an English-speaking country. I did learn English in high school, but most of what I know I have picked up later by just reading. On the other hand, I struggle with the Japanese Kanji (characters that symbolize a word or concept) since these rely on visual recognition of a complex pattern, a right-brain skill.

Another anomaly occurs when I go to sleep at night. According to the textbooks, humans first drift through chaotic dreams that seem to consist of thoughts and floating images, not lifelike or intense. There are two stadiums of this, evidently, though I know not the difference between them, and then you have a period of deep dreamless sleep. After that, you go through the same two levels on your way up again, and then have a time of vivid, lifelike and intense dreams (REM sleep) before you go down again. Each cycle lasts about 90 minutes. But I start dreaming the lifelike (only more intense than my daily life) dreams within minutes (possibly moments) after I go to sleep. I have woken up after less than five minutes from these dreams when they were scary enough to wake me.

And it does not end there. My almost autistic lack of social needs, for instance. When I am off from work, I can easily go a day or two literally without seeing another human. (Not even on TV – I don’t have a TV.) During November (which I take off from work whenever possible to take part in National Novel Writing Month) I can literally go a month without talking to anyone except to say “thank you” to the lady in the supermarket when she gives me back my change. In all fairness, I get the occasional e-mail, but my impression is that this kind of life would drive most human to despair. Me, I thoroughly enjoy it. I don’t miss the sight and sound and smell of humans (or cats or dogs).

Of course, part of this is the continuing Presence that I attribute to God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit, or some combination thereof, but I cannot really prove that even to myself. It just seems to fit the description, if you know what I mean. While I’d love for this to be a purely spiritual thing, I suspect that people come with different ability to perceive such a Presence. Certainly there are many, many Christians who are more pious than me (it really doesn’t take all that much) and who don’t sense it in the same way I do. And there seems to be at least some Hindus who have very similar experience, despite worshiping at different deity. So there may be a kind of “sense organ” for this, the infamous “God organ in the brain”. I would not mind if so. After all, the fact that we have a visual cortex has never been a convincing proof that the visible world is all in our mind…

There are probably other differences as well, that I just can’t remember off the top of my head. In truth it is hard to distribute human traits among body, mind and spirit. For me no less since I grew up with my biological parents (and even two grandparents) so “nature and nurture” were often aligned. But perhaps I have given you a glimpse of some differences that may go pretty deep.

Even with that though, I would still say I am “kind of” human. Of course, the proof of belonging to the same species is being able to interbreed, and so far there has been none of that! Still, I think we are similar enough that most any human could become as happy as I am. Come as you are and become like me! Tempting, is it not?

(“Come as you are and become like us” is a fairly well known phrase in Norway, depicting churches that appear inclusive and newbie-friendly in theory but who expect everyone to think and act the same once they are members.)

Creepy when sleepy


Not being able to tell real life and dreams apart is a bad thing no matter how you look at it. Although like most things it gets better with cute girls and worse with lethal weapons.

OK, I suppose we COULD blame this one on Holosync, but I am not sure that is fair. I had an even worse episode in the previous century, after all. But it certainly was creepy, to say the least.

I had been sleeping for a bit under half an hour when I woke from sounds in the house, or so I thought. I heard the sound of running water from the bathroom across the hallway, and adult footsteps in the hallway. I was like “the burglars have come, I have to defend myself” and I fumbled for my weapon. Unfortunately, my brain was full of this loud buzzing sound except it was not just sound, it filled the whole brain, and every two seconds or so there was this discontinuity – spindles, it is called in sleep research, and I was aware of what it was even then. Those K-complexes have some serious amplitude so it is next to impossible to complete a thought before they reset your brain. I squeezed my eyes hard shut and created my own buzz, flushing my brain and clawing my way back to a waking state.

As my brain resumed normal operations, it realized that burglars don’t behave like that. They don’t use running water, they don’t walk around. They either sneak or break. Also, there was not a sound anymore. I had routinely checked the door before I went to bed, and I had been in all rooms since last it was open. Nobody could have gotten in without breaking a window. In short, the sounds were some kind of dream experience, which I had mistaken for real life because my location in the dream (lying in my bedroom) coincided with my location in real life.

Still, I really hope this doesn’t become a habit. Or if it does, I may have to reconsider my habit of sleeping with a handgun, a long knife and a hammer under my pillow!


In happier news (as in quivering with pleasure and endless happy endorphins, according to their website) I’ve taken a look at LifeFlow, a newer competitor to Holosync and the original Hemi-Sync. It is a simpler approach, but it goes all-out for what it tries to do. Each CD aims to generate one single brainwave frequency, using a mix of binaural beats, isochronic tones (sound bursts) and monaural beats, a less subtle audible wave form. They offer a free sample, and it is not as bad as I feared when they heap on with effects like that. Actually it is pretty melodic.

While Holosync starts close to normal relaxed brainwaves and slowly moves downward (well, for the main program at least), LifeFlow scoffs at this approach. They go straight for the intended level, but warns the user that it will take roughly 8 minutes to entrain. They don’t believe in the story of carrier frequency either. Instead they recommend you start with a high alpha (close to the daily beta level) and use that for a lengthy period, then a lower alpha, an even lower alpha, a high theta etc. As you see, this is a completely different approach. Holosync gets to the slow waves from the first day, but gradually each time.

While I’m reading up a bit on this, I am aware that it may be a bad idea to mix meditations without asking a guru (kind of like mixing medication without asking a doctor, right?). If anything, I should keep a wary eye on my brain function for a while, just in case there is more creepiness.

We don’t want my blog to suddenly disappear, after all, like that other guy!

I did not know


By special skills in this case is meant knowing what ingredients go into dinner, and where to buy them at the best value.  There are a lot of special skills like that in a life, and some even less obvious.

I poked around on the Net again, and found a lot of articles on credit cards and such things. There sure is a lot to know about credit. What to do, what not to do, and what happens if you do it anyway. Of course this is not only so for consumer credit, but many other things in life as well. I have picked up some of it over time, but other times I have just been lucky, it seems.

In all fairness, I was what people call a “country bumpkin”. As a young adult, I knew enough about farming that I could probably have taken over a farm and fed a family, if the world ended with me. I knew that much less about all things urban, I guess, despite high school and a couple years of mercantile school. We learned various things from bookkeeping to photocopying (not as easy then as it is now), but we did not learn all that much about everyday economics. Or everyday anything, for that matter.

What I am trying to say is that I was very much mistaken back then, thinking I was an adult. I was old enough to drink or drive, marry or serve my country in unpleasant ways. But I knew very little about life and very little about myself. What a boon it would have been for me then to have my current me around. Even if young me probably would have understood only part of what middle-aged me said, and would not have the wits to even ask the right questions, it would still have been a great help. Or so it seems. Since I did not have such a person, I must assume that in the universal Grand Scheme of Things it was all for the best that I sniffed my way through the world on my own. But in principle, it would have been nifty to have someone around that was not amazingly ignorant about everything from constipation to credit cards.

One thought that struck me was that perhaps young people would be better served to live with their parents for the first 30-40 years and listen and obey them. But that would not have helped in my case. No offense to my parents, both of which were amazing in their own way, but they had lived in a world that was fading. Unfortunately, that is the rule now. If I had children who were young now, much of what I knew would be about a past in which they did not live, nor ought they to. (They would probably think I was living even more in the past than I am, as young people generally think, but there would be something to it. Quite a bit probably, and I am a pretty cutting edge guy compared to most people.)

Things have gone fairly well, given the abyss of ignorance and (particularly) ignorance about the ignorance. I credit my invisible friend, of course. But even so, I can’t help but think there must be something we can do to “hand down” essential life skills more advanced than potty training. (Actually even potty training often seems to go horribly wrong, but let’s leave that off for today.)

This entry is so unfinished, it does not really have a conclusion. I am not really sure what people can do to get life wisdom before they have already made all the mistakes that give people life wisdom. I suppose you could read the rambling journal entries of middle-aged men, but I’d like to think there is some better way somewhere. Perhaps if I could ask my 75 year old self, he could tell me. Of course, there is no certainty there will even be a 75 year old self – especially without his sound advice on how to survive that long…