Myth as transformative serial art

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What is a myth? Ideally, something that lifts you up toward the light and shows you something greater than yourself, leaving a residue of a higher world.

I’ve watched The Laws of Eternity three times over the last week or so.  That is extremely unusual for me.  I have mentioned this before, that I hardly ever watch a movie twice, or read a comic twice, or even a book, because I have a very strong memory for stories.  The exception, I said, was religious or spiritual works.

It may be over the top to compare The Laws of Eternity with Holy Scripture, although I suspect the actual members of “Happy Science” probably regard the book that way.  The movie is not the same as the book. The movie is set in the world described in the book. Or at least that is the impression I get from reading scattered pages of the book online thanks to Google Books.  I may well order the books too, but not because I believe in them in a literal sense.  Or at least not the story part, about the civilization on Atlantis and Mu and other continents that supposedly rose from the sea and fell back into it over the last 100 000 years.

That is not to say that it is a bad thing to take it literally. Well, it is a bad thing in that it is not true.  But the purpose of a myth is not to be true in the scientific sense, but to be true to the soul. The myth exists in a higher world.  Remember what I use to say here?  “We create lower worlds, higher worlds create us.”  And that is why I watch the movie over again, because it creates me, or recreates me, just a little.  You may say it concentrates me, so that after watching it I find it easier to resist thoughts that are harmful and pull me towards Dissolution. Conversely, it becomes easier to think thoughts that are helpful and pull me toward the Light.

I had not expected that from an anime, to be honest.  And after watching it, I find it hard to enjoy the other anime, even those that don’t glorify extramarital lust.  (Japanese manga and anime have a somewhat undeserved reputation for perversity.  Not undeserved in that the ecchi does not exist, but it is not as dominant at home as in export to the west. In Japan, there is manga for the housewife, manga for the salaryman, manga for the small kids, sports manga and educational manga.  But many westerners want to look at the panties of high school girls, and there is manga for that too.  But enough about that on such a beautiful day.)

Back to myth and the higher and lower worlds. This is important. There is a science that relates only to the material world, and it is a good thing for its use.  But the human mind is free to travel to both higher and lower worlds, and indeed will do so virtually every hour of the day in normal people.  Mostly lower worlds, again in normal people, in the form of dreams and daydreams.  The deeper of these are the daydreams of wish fulfillment, in which the imaginary world exists to gratify and glorify the ego of the dreamer.

The myth is the opposite of this. The myth is NOT all about you.  It is about something much greater than you, something that dwarfs you and fills you with awe.  (If it does not, then it has to some degree failed its task as a myth.) “Myth” is not a synonym for “lie”, as it is perceived by some superficial people.  A myth may even be literally true, but its power lies in its ability to create something in us and fill us with conviction of something higher, greater and ideally better and more noble.

Note that what is a higher world depends on your starting point!  We all live in the same physical world, but we don’t all live in the same mental world or the same cultural world. For instance, the mythology of ancient Greek or Scandinavia may seem crude by your standards, but they may have been an ideal to reach up toward in the crude and cruel world of the Bronze and Iron ages.  To take another example that illustrates this: The law of Moses institutes the rule “an eye for an eye” (and a life for a life).  This is seen today as harsh, vengeful, even primitive.  But in the culture of the Bronze Age nomads, it was a big improvement, because the rules of the blood feud was more like “a life for an eye”, since both sides considered themselves more worth than their opponents, and the conflict escalated until one side was eradicated or both were so weakened that a third faction conquered them both.

So when I refer to Happy Science movies as “myth”, it says a lot about myself.  If I were a saint, I would be above that level, and it would be a waste of time at best.  But despite all my accumulated knowledge, I am no saint.  I have the wisdom of Solomon, but mostly before or after I need it.  (I always have it when someone else needs it, of course!) I despair of ever becoming a saint (your name for this state of being may vary) without the company of saints, but saints are not only few but also have better things to do than babysit me. And even if they did, I wonder if I could tolerate it, for I love freedom and aloneness.

Anyway, myth as serial art.  You know that there was no manga in the Bronze Age, or even a few centuries ago.  For most of known history, even writing was rare.  Instead we had stories.  The bard, or just the old crone of the village, would be surrounded by people longing to hear a story.  And then the old one would recite a story that had been told many times before, a story they knew from their own childhood, about the clever Hermes or the lovely Aphrodite or any of the thousands of other old stories.  But then like now, there were also many coarse and dirty stories that the menfolk told each other when the children were asleep (or pretended to sleep, at least) – stories that pulled the mind down in the gutter. In that sense, not much has changed with the arrival of the printing press, and manga, and anime.

So when I talk about myth, I mean a story that is transformative, in that it lifts the human spirit up toward something greater, grander, more permanent, and hopefully more noble. The myth would ideally leave a residue of the higher world and a kind of longing for it.

The opposite could also be called transformative, I suppose, but I prefer to call it dissipative. The self is dissipated, weakened, and find it harder to tolerate reality and the challenges of life.  This, I believe, is what causes the stereotypical otaku that lives in his room and hates all things that are not part of his hobby, and who cares nothing for the feelings of others.  But  this is not something new, and certainly not Made in Japan. It is a risk we run all the time, to sink down in a darkness of our own making. We need the help we can get, to move toward the Light.  But what helps one is not always what helps another. And I am as “other” as you are ever likely to find, so I won’t say you will get anywhere by following in my footsteps.  But at least you can see them at all, in a world where most people are like shadows, just shadows in the fog.

Happy Science and hard work

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I’ll show you the kind of work angels do” – they are always ready to help people become more happy.  Even in Europe.

Late Saturday night I got a mail from the helpful contact person at IRHH Europe.  The abbreviation is for Institute for Research in Human Happiness, recently updated to the shorter, more catchy “Happy Science”, which supposedly is also a translation of their Japanese name, Kofuku-no-Kagaku.  I don’t know nearly enough Japanese to say for sure. Luckily they have a European branch, in London. I inquired there as to buying their movies, but I had not expected them to be working late at night on a Saturday.  Clearly other people’s happiness is more important to them than relaxing on the weekend. Perhaps they are like the bodhisattvas of the anime, whose joy was in helping others.

Unfortunately, the movies are only available in Japan, but they would try to see if there was a way to buy them from there.  They also told me that there will be a showing of one of their movies in Oslo on August 29!  Unfortunately this is in the Swine Flu season, and I still have all the other problems with travel because of my digestion.  But it would certainly been interesting to see it on the big screen, and meet some of the locals.  Although I fear this might disappoint me.  I have found religious organizations that proselytize tend to have a disturbingly high content of glassy-eyed people with a dysfunctional relationship to things like work, humans, and self-image.  (As in, the self-image is grossly exaggerated relative to the  rest.)

At least Happy Science encourages people to study and work hard and act in the best interest of other people. Do the actual members live according to this?  I don’t know. If they do, they would certainly soon have a noticeable effect toward a better world. And in any case, it certainly seems the European branch office lives the way it teaches.

The Laws of Eternity (anime)

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Get on this spiritual elevator…  I think that is what the movie was meant to be too. But like this contraption, it will probably not work for everyone.

This animated movie is beautiful, preachy, thought-provoking, and made by a religious organization that encourages selfless service and high technology, thus their name “Happy Science”. The movie, as a good spiritual elevator, starts at the bottom, assuming that you know nothing about Happy Science. For most non-Japanese (and probably most Japanese too) this is a pretty safe assumption. In fact, the movie does not require more than the most cursory idea about religion at all.

It starts in New York, as three friends visit the Edison Museum. They read a newspaper article from when Edison was alive, claiming that he was working on a “spirit phone” that would let people talk to the dead. (Evidently this was a joke Edison really pulled on reporters, not just in the anime.) The three friends are the Japanese Ryuta, his blond Caucasian friend Patrick, and their dark Hispanic friend Roberto. Given that this is a Japanese movie, feel free to guess who the main character is. When they come home, they are joined by the girl Yuko, a friend of them all but particularly Ryuta. (She is Japanese as well.) But before that, they have met a Native American shaman with a message from Edison: How to build the spirit phone!

Through hard work and genius (and a little prayer from the girl, who goes to a religious school), our friends complete the spirit phone and make contact with Edison. He congratulates them, but fades away while saying something about trouble, danger and help. But how will our friends help someone who is in the other world? Luckily, the machine activates again and brings a message from an ancient Incan shaman, God Eagle. After Yuko teaches them basic meditation, God Eagle is able to take their minds to the spirit realm without dying first. This is where the adventure really takes off.

They arrive in the fourth dimension, which we may call the first heaven. People here get used to living as spirits. Because they can now move freely along the time dimension at all, the people here have much more freedom than those on earth. However, not all are found worthy to get here. Probably the most disturbing part of the movie is the judgment of the recently dead. They are required to watch a movie of their lives, with their thoughts in life as soundtrack, together with their deceased friends and relatives. After that, the audience advises them on whether they should go to Heaven or Hell. O_O This is where I think the movie loses its otaku audience: If you’re an otaku, you know quite well that your dead great-grandma would tell you to go to Hell, if she saw you spending your days watching anime instead of studying. You would not feel inclined to take her advice though.

Actually, you don’t need to. Because the afterlife is entirely maintained by the mind, you can go to Heaven and still end up in Hell if that’s where you fit the best. This is shown on two occasions. First, right after arriving in the fourth dimension, Patrick and Roberto get into a quarrel, and the ground opens beneath their feet. They are snatched in the fall by God Eagle. However, having failed to learn their lesson in full, they eventually get jealous when their Japanese friends get through The Narrow Gate to the seventh dimension and they don’t. This time they go to Hell proper and are captured by Nietzsche and later chased by Hitler and an enormous, evil armored elephant. Hey, it’s an anime after all!

Unlike Dante, however, this movie is much more interested in showing off Heaven than Hell. So before this problem with Hell, all our friends move on to the fifth and sixth dimension. They find a place of striking beauty and a heavenly laboratory where scientists continue making inventions and artists continue making art. To get to the world of the angels and bodhisattvas, however, they need to do selfless service. This is where our foreign friends fail: They do their service, but they expect to be thanked and rewarded. They could have stayed in the pretty sixth dimension (that would be the third heaven), but they just could not get over being snubbed by God. They grow evil inside and utter blasphemy. Down they go!

Meanwhile the angels in Dimension 7 explain the meaning of many things to our main characters. Trying to improve the lot of others through selfless service is what angels /bodhisattvas do. (In this movie, angels are treated as former humans, rather than separate creations. Actually they correspond more to the Catholic and Orthodox notion of saints. But again, this is translated from Japanese, so give them some room. Even many westerners don’t know the difference.) These holy beings may choose be born on Earth to make some difference here. Some of them even go down to Hell to rescue the damned who have had some time to reflect on their present condition.

This is borne out in the movie, and we have some high drama and action. Ryuta turns out to have unsuspected spiritual powers, and his girl friend (who is by now starting to realize that she is also his girlfriend) seems to amplify them. They defeat Nietzsche, then Hitler by the power of their love and escape from Hell with their friends, an army of demons on their heels. Luckily the angels have been warned and stand ready to defend Heaven from the dark incursion. Order is restored, and Ryuta and Yuko are rewarded with a ticket to the the ninth dimension, the home of the world’s highest humanoid gods: Jesus, Moses, Confucius, Newton, and the big boss himself, El Cantare, formerly known as Buddha, Hermes and several others.

Unfortunately, this is where the movie goes downhill in my eyes. Not that the 9th dimension is not impressive, but our hero goes there specifically to learn the reason for the world’s existence and secrets like that. In the end, however, the secret knowledge he is given, is unlocking his memory of his incarnation in Atlantis, and finding out that Yuko was his girlfriend already then.

Perhaps I am just crazy, but if I got an appointment with GOD in Heaven, I would not be interested in who my soulmate was, but rather something more cosmic, please. Then again, this may be because I don’t have a soulmate. Or perhaps this may be why I don’t have a soulmate… Anyway, Ryuta and Yuko seem very satisfied with the revelation, and vow to live lives worthy of the truth they have seen in the spirit realm. They seem to also have gained the ability to see the radiance of angels that are incarnated as babies. After a long love song, the movie ends.

This review may sound cynical, but the truth is that I found the movie surprisingly uplifting. Part of it is probably that its worldview has so much in common with my own, what with the successive layers of reality being ever more luminous and powerful, but also ever more demanding of those who would visit them. I have written a lot about this already, have I not? I was around 20 when this notion started to burrow into me, and pestering me to write a novel about it. I still haven’t managed to write that novel, but now I have realized that we all visit other worlds with our mind, that the body can not follow. As such, the plot of this movie hits home.

I don’t see myself bowing down to worship El Cantare, honestly. But I feel that I have gained an added respect for my own religion, and many other. This would probably not have happened if I was at the “science must die so Noah can live” stage of religion (the Blue level in Spiral Dynamics), but at the “Adam & Evolution” stage (Yellow level) I am willing to try everything and keep what is good. And that, frankly, is what one should do even if not religious at all. If it makes you feel like you want to do good to people and be impressed with the universe, it is probably worth watching. And watching again.

One week later

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This is a lot like me without GPS. (It’s actually from the Laws of Eternity though.)

A week after the half-day fever and the onset of the super hemorrhoid, I can barely feel anything at all.  There is only the slightest hint of blood, and I can live my life as usual. I haven’t quite done that, and ideally I never will.  One should take advantage of learning experiences like this.

I spent literally hours today trying to find out where I can buy the movies by Happy Science. I have seen snippets from three of them  on YouTube, including the latest, the Laws of Eternity, which I have seen in full (albeit in a low-resolution download) and will review tomorrow.

In the end, I sent a mail to their European contact address.  Hopefully they won’t track me down, kidnap me and brainwash me into worshiping El Cantare. I love their anime (see tomorrow) but I see it as pious fiction.  Kind of like the “Left Behind” series… if Left Behind was written by happy, optimistic technologists instead of angry, frightened Luddites.

I still haven’t bought tickets to the job course in Oslo next week. I probably should. Unless something new happens, I should be able to go, as long as I don’t stray too far from the nearest toilet.  And with my new phone with GPS and Google Maps I should be able to find my way despite having the sense of direction of a drunk badger. The main problem could be to dodge the Swine Flu.  It has begun its attack on Norway now (tourists have brought it home from abroad), although it is set to explode only when the schools open.

Feeling better day

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“I didn’t know that angels were making so much effort.”  From the anime “The Laws of Eternity”.  It seems eerily fitting.

I am feeling much better today.  Amazingly so, actually.  It is almost hard to believe.  And I am not sure whether it is going to last.  But I do enjoy it for now.  I have not felt this good since last Friday before the fever.  (Although I still view the bike with horror and revulsion…)

On my way home from work, I even thought that I ought to try mowing the lawn again. I have not been able to do this for the almost a week I have been ill, and I decided I would have to be very careful about it.  But I just could not let it grow any taller if there was a reasonable chance to do something about it without serious harm to my body.

When I came home, however, there was a car in front of the house.  The landlord’s mother and grandmother were just about to leave.  The landlord had already left.  Before that, however, he had used the motorized lawnmower on all the lawns.  I appreciate that, although I suspect he did not appreciate having to do it.  Especially since the tool shed, in which the mower was stored, was now the home of a tribe of wasps.  They were very unhappy over being disturbed and had stung.  I wish this could have been avoided, but honestly, for the last week any physical work has been just plain unthinkable.  I might as well try to jump over the roof.

The wasps are still there, but at least it is far from the doors, so I can come and go safely.

Last night I watched an animated movie till 2AM.  This used to be my normal bedtime for a long while, but lately I have gone to bed around midnight for some reason.  The movie was “Laws of Eternity”. It is kind of based on the book by the same name, except not really.  The movie is a story about four young people who travel to the spirit world – the afterlife, if you will – while still alive, and get the grand tour.  The layout of the spirit world is based on the book, which is technically non-fiction, although I suspect few people outside the sect would agree with this. I didn’t mind the preachy explanations, I was just happy to find an anime that represented the universe as layered in a vaguely similar way to what I described two days ago.  Full review to come, I hope.  I have tried twice now writing a review, but decided to watch it again before that.  It is kind of weird to see such a likable anime supposedly made by a fascist.  Then again sects always get put in a bad light, so who knows.

I can understand why the anime is so hated by the typical anime audience though. To the otaku, the ideals of purity in thought and selfless service to mankind must burn like the fire of Muspellheim.  But for me, it may be just what the doctor ordered.

OMG I’m bleeding!

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I could need some help of the toilet fairy, actually. Or some other higher power, I guess.

Real life Divine Butt Attack Punishment progressed today to its next level, that of bleeding hemorrhoids. At the very least.

I have spent the time from this past Friday afternoon till now with a painfully swollen hemorrhoid (not counting my usual suite of itchy hemorrhoids, which are probably still there, just paling in comparison).  Today, at work, during a visit to the toilet, the hemorrhoid broke and painted the inside of the toilet bowl in bright red.  This was not a complete shock, but still unexpected because the hemorrhoid was external, as far as I could feel.  (It might be internal and protruding, but if so it has certainly not been inside for a long time. It is kind of hard for me to see, you know, where the sun never shines.)

In any case, my first ever bleeding hemorrhoid. Another complication!  Now to avoid getting it infected, and still giving it a chance to heal.  At home I can shower after each defecation, as I already habitually do. It should remove most fecal matter, but of course it also keeps the sore fresh. Certainly cuts on my hands stay open for quite a while if I wash them regularly.  Anyway, at work I don’t have the option of showering my anus, and that’s where I usually dump the heavy ballast during the workweek.

Online sites are vague on the practicalities, as they either are aimed at the medical student or peddle some herbal remedy (for the simpler sites) or some hi-tec surgery (for the more professional sites).  Given the very high survival rates, however, the human body must have some way of resisting the resultant infections, I suppose.  Either that or the Secret to treating hemorrhoids is passed down from mother to daughter during the first pregnancy.  I doubt that though, giving the relationship between generations for the first 30 or so years.

On the bright side, the constant pain of the last 4 days is gone. There may be another pain when infection sets in, but for now, being able to be conscious without feeling acute pain is pretty awesome.  And I have enough blood for a long time if it continues this sparingly.

I may not be that lucky, however.  There is still the invisible knife in the belly. And it still happens, even after the hemorrhoid broke.  I have found out when it happens:  A couple to a few minutes before the urge of a bowel movement.  It distinctly starts in a point in the lower rectum (but not outside, where the hemorrhoid was) and then stabs through to the front, somewhere to the right of the belly button but clearly front rather than side. It is brief (so far) but intense. Because of the timing, I must conclude that the stool passing through the lower rectum hits some kind of irregularity.

Yes, that is a bad thing.  Possibly a very bad thing. And I suspect that even finding out whether it is a bad thing (like an internal hemorroid or diverticule) or a very bad thing (like cancer or a   weak spot in the rectal wall about to break) will require an all-out colonoscopy, which is known as the front porch of Hell in itself, or at least Purgatory.  Then again, in the memorable words of a fellow Dark Age of Camelot player years ago, “dyin suxx”.

And of course, the Swine Flu is starting to hit Norway, and may shut down most of the rest of our health system until winter.  I may try to sneak a doctor appointment in before that, but at the risk of contracting the flu in the waiting room.  I can’t see it making my condition any better. But then again, most people my age have bumpy rectum, so… it may not kill me.  Or even put me first in the hospital line. I mean, I waited most of a summer with a lump in my breast, so I don’t really expect express boarding card with a bloody hemorrhoid.

At least all who think I am a pain in the behind can now rejoice in the Divine Butt Attack Punishment.

Health, Hell, Oblivion and Niflheim

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O Lord, forgive me.  In particular, forgive me for downloading the anime Butt Attack Punisher Girl, from which this picture is taken.  To say that it is not safe for work is an understatement. Combining elements of Christianity, Buddhism and Butt Punishment, it is not even safe for home even if you are alone in the house.  I did get this screenshot though before deleting it.  What profits it a man if he gains a truly rare old anime but loses his soul?

You can usually suspect that my health is not in the top ten days when I start writing about religion. If it gets really bad, I may even pull out the Bible, which will almost invariably threaten me with horrible death and doom.  This is as it should be, as the same book says, “Serpentspawn! Who taught you to flee the coming wrath?”  But there is also a more practical reason why I usually just open the book to some instance of the Wrath of the Lord:  The Bible consists mostly (in quantity, I mean) of divine wrath.

If you are a casual Christian, or just raised in a Christian society, you may have the opposite impression.  Based on the Bible quotes you hear most often, and especially all the pious talk that is not actually Bible quotes at all, it is reasonable to suspect (as many atheists do) that religion is opium for the masses, an attempt to soothe their fear of the unknown and unknowable, of which death is the greatest.  If only!  Once you start reading the book for yourself, you will see that God’s main project is not to comfort people, but to make them LESS comfortable. It is more of a loud alarm clock than a lullaby. There is page after page threatening loss, ruin, pain and a humiliating death unless the reader takes the spoon in the other hand and repents. Perhaps even then, but at least then there may be a chance.  The God of the Bible is NOT impressed with the dominant species of the planet, and he goes into great detail on the issue.

With the wisdom of Solomon, I predict that the atheists who dismissed the Bible as an attempt to placate people will be even less eager to get in line when it turns out to be the opposite. Oh well. What I want to write about today is equally valid for atheists and theists, and probably equally offensive to both as well. We’ll also stop by Norse mythology and a point where it is disturbingly exact.  Still, let’s start with a quote from the Bible:

“But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.”

This probably means something to you if you are a Christian. To me, it means not being a hikikomori. I bet that was not what you expected.  Let me explain.

In Japan, the hikikomori (person who stays in their room) is an extreme case of the otaku,  a person obsessed with comics, animated TV series or computer games. By spending an inordinate amount of time and thought on these topics, the otaku (usually a young man) becomes gradually unable to live in the real world.  He withdraws to home and eventually to his own room, neglects practicalities down to even personal hygiene, satisfying only the basic needs of the body as needed to remain alive and obsessed.  Due to the strong sense of family duty in Asia, parents will usually provide for these men quietly.

As we see, the hikikomori has withdrawn from the  hard reality of ordinary life, into a world of daydream, a small world where they are in control.  As a result, they are destroyed as humans, specifically their sanity.

Regardless of the local culture, anyone who withdraws from reality to live in daydream will experience dissolution.  They enter into a sea of chaos, losing sanity and energy.  You can say they lose substance, “like a slug that dissolves as it moves” to throw another Bible quote at you.  (Slug here being the mollusc, not the projectile.)

You may at first glance think that the hikikomori is similar to the hermit. And for some hermits, unfortunately, this is true.  Withdrawal, loss of mental substance, and outright insanity are very possible threats for those who seek solitude.  However, this is clearly not the case for all hermits. Some of the greatest thinkers throughout the ages were either complete or partial hermits.  This is because the everyday world – consensus reality – lies not on the end of the spectrum of reality, but somewhere in the middle.  There are worlds that are MORE real than this one, just like there are many worlds that are LESS real.  I have written about this extensively in the past.  One easy example of a higher world is that of mathematics.  Just like we create lower worlds, we are created through higher worlds.

The ancient Norsemen believed that the cosmos came to be in the meeting of two extremes: The fiery heat of Muspellheim and the freezing cold of Niflheim. From their meeting, the beginning of all substance emerged.

This is surprisingly similar to my current metaphysics.  I believe that the multi-layered universe is a thick multidimensional membrane between two non-existences:  The void, the absolute empty nothingness, and the Ground of Being, the absolute and undivided First Principle, which is also no-thing in the sense that it cannot be described as part of creation.

The universe available to man then has a gradient of reality. Some of the realms accessible to mind are less real than ordinary life, while others are MORE real.  By using the realms of mathematics and physics, we can predict and influence the ordinary world with great leverage. Modern society depends on this for its very existence.  Think of the people who traveled in their minds into the realm of nuclear physics, and how the work of these few adventurers changed the course of human history forever.

Less visible are the effects of those who have colonized the worlds of ideas, or the “mythical” worlds of  religion.  Yet some of the people who were active in these mental realms have changed the course of history in their own very drastic ways.  By adapting to a more real world, they grew more real themselves, becoming “larger than life” and able to exert enormous influence.  This is quite a contrast to those who have adapted to the LESS real worlds – they become powerless to even control their own lives.

Living near consensus reality, I have never ventured truly far in either direction, although I have some familiarity with neighboring realms. But I cannot imagine how it feels to draw close to Niflheim, the absolute zero (for cold is the absence of energy), where life is drained of all color and warmth, and even the sense of self dissolves into nothingness.  Nor can I imagine the white-hot fire of Muspellheim, the Forge of Creation,  beyond all myth, all symbols, and all natural laws, where all laws of nature are unified not just in theory but in experience, where pure existence wells up from something that is beyond even existence itself.

So, as Microsoft used to say: “Where do you want to go today?”

Better and worse

The days pass,  and it gets a little easier to live with the super hemorrhoid.  And then today, a few times, something more sinister happens.  Suddenly there is a twitch of pain in the hemorrhoids, and immediately a knife-sharp pain of great magnitude stabs the FRONT of my belly, on the same side (slightly right of center), above the belt but below the thoracic diaphragm.

(Do people really say “diaphragm”?  An ordinary thing needs a more ordinary name. In Norwegian we refer to the sheet of muscle below the lungs as “mellomgolv”, middle floor or in-between floor. I can’t see people using the same word for the essential breathing muscle and a contraceptive, but then again English is a weird language spoken by weird people.)

Anyway, I survived, at least this far.  But it was out of the ordinary painful, although it only lasted for less than a second.  Instinctively I  jumped out of my current position, and the pain both here and there ceased immediately, leaving only a cold, numb echo along the front of my belly, running vaguely vertically.

Since it only happens when I sit on reasonably full bowels and since it can be felt both in front (most intensely) and behind (less so), I ass-sume it to be an effect of the rhoids. If not, I would just as well have guessed kidney sand – I have heard that sudden, extreme pain can happen when a grain is moving down through the urinary tract, which probably is somewhere around there? But that goes nowhere near the anus at any time, quite the opposite.

Anyway, the illness is still fascinating for me, although I bet it is a lot less interesting for everyone else.

Unfortunately it also means I can’t mow the lawn, and it is growing like crazy in the ever changing sun and rain of the last week.  If I have to stay off it for another week, it will be seriously hairy, and the landlord will NOT be pleased.  As if this wasn’t problematic enough to begin with. It was from mowing while weak from fever that I got this in the first place, after all.  I am not ready to risk making it even much worse by trying to mow again until reasonably healed.

Quick! To the GOOGLEPHONE!

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I suppose for one day I can write about something that is NOT a pain in the @$$.  My new mobile phone (or cell, as I believe Americans still call them?) definitely qualifies. At least unless you try to type Scandinavian or other accented characters, which was a slightly nightmarish experience, albeit in the Kafka style rather than Dante and the burning sensation.  Luckily, I have very little to say that I don’t say in English.  When you are as weird as me, using a language with billions of readers is your best bet of being read at all!

To be honest, I was considering an Apple iPhone 3GS. They are cute, they are easy to use, and there is a lot of software available for them. Also, your girl next door knows them inside and out if you should get stuck (or just want an excuse to talk to the girl next door, for the male reader. Or writer.)  It so happens that the newest model was set to be released in Norway this past Friday.

On the other hand, I don’t really like Apple.  I have used their iTunes and found it clumsy, swollen and overbearing compared to Amarok for Linux, which I grew used to over the last year. I am also not happy with Apple several times a week trying to make me click “OK” on installing more of their software which I have never asked for, not to mention that they have actually installed a couple smaller programs without asking.  (Mobileme and Bonjour. Well, they may possibly have been mentioned, either by name or some generic description, deep in the legalese of the iTunes user agreement. I know I have never asked for them nor explicitly allowed them to install.)  This, and the frequent updates that all need to restart the computer, earns Apple a vote of Not Very Much Confidence from me. I know it is popular among girls however.  I guess we just value different things.

Even so, it was a near miss.  There just did not seem to be other phones that were close to my concept of the Datapad.  Regular readers may remember that I have written about this repeatedly in the past, most detailed in the entry Datapad 2010, written in the year 2000. It is an almost frighteningly prescient description of the iPhone. Or, as it happens, the HTC Hero, the newest and most powerful flagship of HTC’s series powered by the Android operating system made by Google and the open source community.

Like its smaller predecessor HTC Magic (Google Ion in the States), this gadget comes with some Google functionality built in by default. If you have a Google account, as I have, you can get your Gmail right to the phone, and check your Google calendar everywhere. You can read your favorite news sources through Google News.  And of course you can always search for whatever phrase you need the final word on.

But not content with Google, the phone also comes with one-touch access to Twitter, Facebook, MySpace as well as Ebay and Amazon.com, not to forget Wikipedia.  I’m actually on Twitter, although it is mostly a symbolic presence, telling whether or not I am at work and such. (I block any followers whose handles I don’t recognize, btw.)  Facebook?  Don’t you need an invitation for that?  I am not sure what I would do with it even if I had it.  I use LiveJournal, which I had to add manually, but it was not a pain in the posterior to do so, once I had typed a couple hundred characters altogether so had an idea of how to hit the on-screen keyboard correctly.

How many ways does it connect to the Internet?  Not quite enough. I want it to also access the Internet through a PC when connected by USB cable to synchronize.  It does not. Boo! You may think you don’t need to when you actually have a computer right there accessing the Internet. But the thing is, I would want to quickly refresh Twitter, mail, calendar etc before unplugging and moving away from the computer.  I can’t see any way to do that.

On the other hand, it does connect to wireless networks that are either open or to which you have a WEP key. And it does connect through the various mobile-phone networks normally available.  I am switching to a mobile broadband plan for it.  It is actually probably more expensive than just paying for actual use for me, since I have wireless at home, but having a fixed predictable expense is still a way to make life less complicated.  I have had enough of the time of surprising phone bills. Sometimes surprising me with hundreds of dollars back before the age of broadband.  Simplicity over thrift, at least on a small scale.

While you can’t use your computer to give your phone Internet access (as far as I can see), you CAN use your phone to give Internet access to your computer.  If the speed is good, I may well do this and do away with the wireless broadband modem on the laptop.

Of course it comes with a built-in GPS receiver so you can find out exactly where you are, should you get lost.  (Just combine it with Google Maps, which covers most of the civilized world and probably then some.) This may serve me well if I am healthy enough to take that trip to Oslo in 10 days.  Though I am not sure about that right now, and what with the swine flu… but that’s not today’s topic. GPS requires free sky and takes a toll on the battery, but it is there when you need it. And when you need GPS, you REALLY need it.  It may come down to either that or asking someone for directions, and a man can’t do that.  It hurts us in the man-thing. Anyway, even without using the Global Positioning System, you can get your bearings using data from the mobile network base stations.  It also gives you the local weather forecast.

There is the usual multi-mega-pixel camera which you don’t need and which should probably have been illegal (in Japan mobile phones are required to make a loud sound when taking pictures. I will leave the reason for this to your imagination.)

Oh, and you can probably use it to talk with, too.  I haven’t tried. Who in their right mind would TALK to their telephone? Perhaps one day when it can automatically transcribe it and post it to Twitter.

Oh, and about that iPhone 3GS? It was sold out the first day.  I strongly suspect this was arranged by only supplying a moderate quantity, so they could get the “SOLD OUT WITHIN HOURS” headlines. Free marketing, and not even obviously from them!  Anyway, by the merest of coincidence the HTC Hero came into the shop the very same day!  Providence, surely? In any case, the Datapad 2010 has arrived, a year early.  See you on the bitstream!

Forced Sabbath

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OK, I guess I have been a lot like this lately.  Perhaps an emergency brake was needed. It is still a pain in the ass, though. Literally.

This morning I felt better from the hemorrhoids. Not like they were gone or anything, but bearable. I decided against going to the city to look for some topical medication. (Subconsciously it may have played a role that going to the city would mean sitting on a hard  bus seat for half an hour…) Anyway, I probably made a mistake. It’s evening now, and the pain has returned to a level similar to yesterday. Perhaps not quite as bad, or perhaps I’m getting used to it.

In any case, the pain makes it impractical for me to sit for a long time, and especially in the position I normally use when I type or play. So if I had planned to spend most of the day playing City of Heroes, forget that. (That would at the face of it seem a reasonable plan, because it is currently “double XP weekend” in the game, an event that happens only a few times a year and draws a lot of players.

(Incidentally, I have been dictating this entry so far, but I am not kidding when I say I usually don’t speak anymore. My throat has more or less run out by now!)

I have been playing a bit, but I’m not really in the mood. Not just because the sitting is a pain in the ass, but I also occasionally feel queasy and begin shivering for a while. My heart is also beating faster then. But the temperature only goes up by about half a degree Celsius, then it stops, and a bit later I begin sweating and feel better. I am not sure whether or not this is related to the hemorrhoids. From what I have been reading (and I have been reading quite a bit last night) hemorrhoids are almost never life-threatening. If they could actually get infected, you’d think they would be a cause for much more concern. Anyway! The feeling is not conductive to lighthearted gaming.

The mood is more suitable to contemplate “the shortness of life, the certainty of death and the length of eternity”. (That was a favorite phrase in the good old days of the Christian Church. Actually, I am not sure eternity even has length or duration. I mean, it is always eternity! Even now. We just don’t notice.)

I have been told that this was the true purpose of the Sabbath, to make room in time to become aware of eternity. By setting aside a day of sacred time, people got their break from the endless march of seemingly important everyday events and got closer to timelessness. That sounds perfectly reasonable to me. But it is probably just a few scattered mystics here and there who perceive it that way. I mean, Christians used to have the Sunday as a holy day, although they did not enforce it quite as strictly. But for 45 years I never heard anyone talk about eternity as anything other than an infinitely long duration of time. Certainly not as something that is always waiting just outside our reach, waiting for us to invite it into time.

Then again, perhaps you have to enforce the Sabbath fiercely for it to work? Now that Sunday is just a day off, it is so easy to just fill it with all kinds of fun stuff. Inviting the restlessness of the rest of the week into the day of rest of the week, to coin a pun. Instead of inviting the opposite, the timelessness that encloses time, which is at the beginning of time and at the end of time and at the present moment, like the sky that is always above us every time we stop and look up, no matter where on the road we are. The only moment that is quite real is now. Well, that’s not quite right: Every moment is real, but you can only access one at a time. And every time we do that, every time we stop and look up (even metaphorically), time and eternity meet.

But usually we don’t stop, we just keep running,  even just for fun.  We’ll get to eternity sooner or later anyway, of course, but will we be at home there?  I wonder.  I don’t feel very at home with eternity right now, let me tell you.