Wakeup call

My heart went racing out of control again this evening a bit before 20 (8PM). It went at top speed for about 5 minutes.  Even after it returned to near normal levels, the event has left me half dazed, as if my senses are partly muted or fogged, and I am weak.

As suspected, I felt rather less assured about my eternity when actually facing it. Then again, part of that was from the fact that this all happened after I had brazenly ignored God’s plea to stop.  (Again, for the usual values of God: I can’t claim to be a prophet who sits in the council of the Most High, only that something more concrete than a conscience is transmitting thoughts to me that seem to be of a Heavenly nature. I, however, am not of a Heavenly nature, and the contrast bothers me.)

I guess it is not a certain thing that I will have months or at least weeks to prepare for my final departure. I should bear that in mind.

As for the health side of this, my state-assigned doctor knew of a couple such racing heart episodes from 2005, I think it was, possibly one in 2006. He was not particularly worried that I would die on the spot, but rather told me to contact the clinic so they could do an EKG (ECG) while the event was unfolding.  The tests done at other times were glowingly positive in all respects.

I would probably not have been very worried either if it was his heart. -_- But it feels kind of threatening when it is about me, the most important person in my world.